Wife of Monobot

Review:Happy Snak by Nicole Kimberling

2010-09-19T03:36:00.000-07:00

I confess, it has been quite some time since I have read Happy Snak by Nicole Kimberling and just as long since I have owed her a review. But here it is and I must say, it is the same today as it would have been all those months ago...

I found the book Happy Snak by Nicole Kimberling on the blog for Marjorie M Liu. After winning a contest for a free copy. I quickly read the book and then, I confess, got too caught up in circumstances to finish the review that I had started. So allow me to correct my mistake by telling you now that Happy Snak is an incredibly entertaining book!

Short but engaging, I could not stop reading this weird and off beat story that takes place on an alien ship. I have decided to not go back and get actual names from the text as I feel that I would be too tempted to give spoilers, so let me tell you the gist of the story like this -

An Earth woman who runs a snack store decides to sign up to be one of the people that are taken into an alien space station to travel to an alien world and learn about their race. She is an underdog, her advertising is not as slick as her competitor and she is her only real employee but she plugs along until one night when she witnesses the death of a very important alien.

Witnessing that death puts her in a unique position and makes her the guardian of that alien's 'ghost'. A task which does not stop her from her primary job as snack seller to anything that might have the munchies.

From there, secrets are found out, plots are uncovered, alien androgynous sex is explained and all sorts of hijinks and mayhem ensue. It's an enjoyable read and the concept of that world sticks with you. For me, if a world sticks with you and engages you imagination then it is a book worth reading!

So pick up a copy or download it today. It's an easy read that will entertain you immensely and you will not be sorry! Remember, I read this story months ago and am still able to recall the whole thing - high praise from someone who reads as much as I do. :)

Happy Snak by Nicole Kimberling --- A happy and fun time!

Game on!

2010-06-25T10:09:00.001-07:00

I have not posted in a long time and I apologize for the gap. A new job was started, a transition to third shift was survived and I even stopped reading books for a bit. I just didn't want to miss the thing that I had put to the side while attempting to get through a few things that were tough.

But now I am happily nocturnal, employed and reading. So I'm back. And God help me but I am working on finishing two books at once.

Game on.

A word from dinosaurs...

2010-03-08T12:16:00.000-08:00

This is a series of books that my husband illustrates! If you have kids that like sports and dinos then these are the books for you!

Check it out at this link.

Broken toe reading

2010-03-04T13:32:00.001-08:00

Well, there has been a lot going on in the last two weeks. Colleges to visit, forms to fill out, hair issues with my poor daughter, work and then - breaking my fourth toe on Sunday. It was not the finish (or beginning, depending on opinion) to the week that I had been hoping for. But what are you going to do? Broken is broken and the biggest way to help it heal is to sit still and read.

Maybe a broken toe isn't so bad! It's true enough that I haven't had much time to read lately. And now I can do it guilt free. Nice!

So Far I have finished Second Skin by Caitlin Kittredge. Last June I won it in a raffle and have been meaning to read it for some time. It was pretty good, lots of action and groovy, dark spooky scenes. My only issue was that sometimes in all the action I had moments of confusion. The what and why weren't always clear to me. Overall though, it was a great book and I recommend it!

Now I am starting in on Happy Snak by Nicole Kimberling. I also won this - free books being my favorite kind - and it's an ebook. My only issue with ebooks is that I get really tired of staring at the screen and that I can't just sit anywhere, take my book from my purse, and start reading. I prefer paper, but free is free.

I'll probably finish this one in the next day or so. Even with a broken toe there is only so much sitting around that a person can do so I tend to get up and wander. When I'm done I'll post my thoughts on it and a couple of other books I've been meaning to write about.

In the meantime, I'll try to actually stay down and all of you watch where you're walking. Wooden toy boxes tend to pop up out of nowhere.

Beta Tester, Baby!

2010-02-14T11:16:00.000-08:00

The fabulous Marjorie M Liu has a game coming out to go with her first book Tiger Eye. I'm not sure what to expect, really. A paranormal romance novel made into a computer game sound right up my alley if done right, though. And I aim to find out if it's been done right!

So head on over to Passionfruit games by clicking on the name and check out the advance art. It looks awesome and it's cool to me that they previously asked for input on the look for one of the characters and I got to weigh in. I like being part of cool processes. : )

Last - Hey, Passionfruit people, pick me for a beta tester!

News of the absurd.

2010-02-11T19:30:00.000-08:00

Well, I just made an idiot out of myself in front of the agents I want. Talent. I got it. It's just in the looking silly department.

There was an online chat and I loved it, lots of other people asked great questions. Got on the question list, last question actually! Only problem is that the question that seemed to be so important for the hour and a half that I waited my turn suddenly seemed lame and uneducated as I hit the send button. Boy, was it ever.

I told them about my daughter being from Haiti and how I would like to write a book about the couple that ran her orphanage and have now opened a temporary clinic. I asked if I needed to query for interest or just start writing. It seemed to me that doing a book like that, in a country in crisis, was better served by having a publisher at your back. Instead of "Take time out of your insane day to talk to me, I might sell this as a book", it would be "Hey, I'm writing a book for HarperCollins, now talk to me, government people". But as I sent the question I realized that it sounded amateur and foolish. Like I had never even heard of the Writer's Market.

My problem was that the book seems so important and special in my eyes that I assumed the process would be different. But it's not and now my name is seen as being funny but spectacularly ditzy. Not cool, but what are ya gonna do?

Well, that makes me feel a little better about my second piece of news. I'm going out for my nursing degree. I know, how am I gonna write? Answer, more slowly. But I need some stability of income, we need savings and college funds and all of those grown up things that we have lacked for the last couple of years. It's something I know I'll be good at, I was good at it with animals. I'm excited about making decent money and a more secure future. At 35 with two kids, that's almost naughty it's so exciting. : )

So I'm going to walk two paths, one will give me money. Which one will do it faster? Time will tell.

The home stretch!

2010-02-10T06:09:00.001-08:00

After going through another bout of "I'll never be published, I stink as a writer, I'm wasting my time, blah, blah, blah...", I am seriously excited to be so close to finishing my revision. Life and family health problems have eaten into my writing time lately but I am fairly confident that I will be able to query by the end of the month. I'm still aiming for The Knight Agency! As a matter of fact, I'm beginning to like them so much that I think I might hit them up more than once if they reject me. Maybe after three rejections I'll move on to my next choice.

The first agency that I queried, oh so long ago, doesn't count. I picked them out of excitement rather than research and gut instinct, I totally fell for slick talking. As a matter of fact, I remember telling Hubby that I wasn't sure why I was querying them since I didn't think I liked them. But they seemed like players and I was thinking that players make good money. Now I'm looking to form a relationship with someone that I can work well with. Hubby has a great agent, has worked with her for eight years, and I'm hoping to have the same thing.

Right now, I am finishing the beginning and end to my story. (It's kindof funny how I go back and forth even in the middle of writing the scenes.) As soon as I'm done with that I'll print it out, hit it with a red pen and then throw it on out there. I have high hopes, it's a good story with some great spots, but I am new and I know that it's not all great spots. So I'll send it in and start on another story. If my theory that every story is a learning experience and hopefully a little better than the last then it'll be even better than this one.

Well, I have appointments and errands to do. I'm going to need to work hard for the next week to carve out writing time but I feel motivated to do it. I feel good. Hopeful, even!

Good morning, everybody!

2010-02-08T04:24:00.000-08:00

New post over on the autism blog about surviving parties!

http://mykidissupercool.blogspot.com/2010/02/parties-and-autism-they-can-go-together.html

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Woke up early this morning and couldn't get back to sleep. I purposely wouldn't even let myself think about my writing yesterday and had a real day off, mentally and physically. Going to a cool party ended things well and now it seems that the words are flowing. They are at my fingertips and I have been typing since 6am. (I am not a morning person so that is insanely early!)

I know where the story is going and I feel good about it. It kicks ass so much more now that I revised it. I love being proud of what I write. It just gives me so much joy to know that I created something well.

I'm off to get the kids on the bus and sit down to write some more! Have a wonderful day, I'm thinking that I will. : )

Up the stakes, drive the story, keep it simple, make it powerful, cut unessentials, don't be a coward, go all the way, write, write, write. - Marjorie M Liu

New blog for parents of kids with autism launched!

2010-02-05T07:21:00.001-08:00

Sorry about the huge gap in posts! I have had some technical issues and couldn't even get on for about a week. But I have finally had time and the internet gods decided to be nice and let me back on my blog so I finally got done the thing that I have wanted to get done for so long--

*drumrolllll*

I launched a blog for parents with kids who have autism! The purpose of the Wifeofmonobot blog was to have a place to talk about my writing and books that I love. I was surprised to find that I really, really also enjoy blogging about parenting. Also, you guys seemed to like it, too! So I decided to separate things into a writing and parenting blog. It's clearer and more fun that way because I don't have to worry about visitors not getting what they came for when they log on.

The title of my new blog is My Kid Is Super Cool. It's also at blogspot, just click on the title to get there. Please, if you became a follower of this blog because of the parenting stuff then become a follower of the new one. I like seeing the friendly faces on the sidebar. : ) Share the link and let me know what you think!

I'll be putting a sentence or two at the bottom of my posts for a week or so to help everyone make their way over there. Hope you like it, post in the comments to let me know if you have any specific things you would like to see.

Huzzah!

Back soon...

2010-01-24T17:18:00.000-08:00

Sorry about the break in posts - I got really depressed about Haiti and very involved in raising funds for my daughter's old orphanage. So, after a week or so off, I'm planning on getting back to my regular schedule tomorrow of three posts a week.

One thought that I have had is maybe separating things into an autism blog and a writing blog. There are two different distinct groups of readers that visit now and it might be easier for people to know what to expect if I focus on one topic. If I do this then I'll probably set up the new site tomorrow and put the details here.

Thanks for all of your positive feedback. A lot of it has been through email or facebook and I am always excited to know what you guys are thinking. As always, feel free to share my blog with anyone that you think will be interested!

A note on autism, adoption and not underestimating your child.

2010-01-15T05:48:00.000-08:00

Three years ago we adopted our daughter from Haiti. It took us 18 months to bring her home and in that time I visited her twice for a week each time. When we first made the decision to adopt we were still in the first year or so of finding out about our son's autism. The first foster/adoption certification class was taken in that first year but the whole process from first class to our daughter being home was closer to two and a half years. So by the time she came home our son was five and still had very little language.

Some might have thought that we were crazy since autistic kids have so many issues with change. I do know of some people who would not want another child when the first requires so much of them and maybe that is the best choice for them. Myself, I was an only child and hated it so I had no intention of doing that to my son, autistic or not.

Here's the part about not underestimating your child - they understand more than you think and quite often can deal with more than you think. Case in point, our son accepted it as fact when we showed him a picture and said that he had a new sister but she lived in Haiti and loved her from day one. If anyone asked him if he had siblings he would answer yes and if we were at our house he would point to her picture. When she came home he ran and jumped and generally stimmed in his excitement that she was home. Playing with our son was the first thing that made her really relax. There are five years between them and he has been a gentle and loving brother from day one. Honestly, no mother could ever as for more in a sibling relationship, fights are rare and playing together is a daily occurrence. His language skills picked up quickly as she learned English and she is always encouraging him to try new things.

Since then our son has dealt with the death of a grandmother and beloved teacher, my cancer and done well in 40% mainstream schooling. He is amazing and if told the basics of a situation in simple terms can deal with these huge life issues better than he can someone turning a television of without warning him first.

So don't underestimate your child and don't try to hide life from them. Be smart about it and be more than age appropriate but don't shelter too hard. One of your goals as a parent is to enable them to live in the real world. Shit happens. Teach them how to deal just as you would any other child with being a good example and answering questions. They might never thank you for it but it is more than ample reward to watch them excel.

___________________________

Our daughter's old orphanage, a wonderful place where there are only two children per nanny, is in Port Au Prince and sustained damage in the earthquake. If you are interested, John, the man who runs the place with his wife Beth, is blogging as often as possible since all of us are on the edge of our seats with worry. Luckily, no one in the orphanage was injured and all of the children are safe! But it is estimated that there is at least $30-50,000 worth of damage and money is needed. To see the blog click here or donate money, please click on this link for Heartline Ministries. Thanks!

Today's questions

2010-01-12T18:24:00.001-08:00

From Finn -

Question: Mom, if I touch your uvula will you throw up?

Answer: Yes, yes I will.

Action: Immediate chasing after me with pointed finger.

From Nandi -

Question: Since you saved ten dollars on lunch, can I get ballet classes?

Answer: No honey, ballet classes are a little bit more money than that but we'll try to get them for you soon.

Action: Half second of sadness followed by a big smile and a complete change of subject. Gotta love the age of five!

Notes to moms of kids with autism. Pt. 3

2010-01-11T07:49:00.000-08:00

The importance of mentoring.

I woke up this morning absolutely fried. There is a list of errands to be run and a meeting in less that an hour, plus a sick parent to visit. Needless to say, I didn't get any of it done yet. Sometimes you need to decide that just because writing and errands is done in the morning while kids are in school doesn't mean that it always has to be that way. I needed to veg this morning and for a long time nothing made me feel better. My head was just in a bad place and I was pretty determined that slime mold has more redeemable qualities than I do.

Here's what pulled me out of my funk at the last minute. I found a post that included a letter written by one of the creators of Ren & Stimpy, an old favorite of mine. The link is here. Apparently, a 14 year old who had done his homework and knew a lot about animation and the business just from reading on the internet (something that not everyone does before approaching pros), sent John a letter with some questions. In response, John sent him not only answers but a book and very specific advice and methods for developing the skills needed to make it in animation. That got me to thinking...

First of all, it reminded me of my interactions with Marjorie M Liu and Lynn Viehl, two professional writers who have given me their time, encouragement and advice. It has done me a world of good and will always be something that I remember and hope to emulate when I eventually succeed and have people ask me questions.

Also, it made me think about teaching and mentoring in life as a whole. As a friend to a wonderful 18 year old at my church there is definitely a mentoring aspect to our relationship even if it is unofficial. This thrills me because when I was in high school and college I had a few mentors, both official and unofficial, myself. It is important and so helpful when you are entering a new career, phase in your life or going through a unique event to talk with someone who has gone before you or who is smart enough to be a help. It's not that you can't figure stuff out on your own, but having a friend give you some insider tips or help make sense of issues that you struggle with is invaluable.

This made me think about the autism series that I have been working on. First of all, any parent is their child's first and most important mentor. We are there to guide, teach and gradually get them to a point where they can figure it out on their own. The more time you invest the better mentor you can be, even if your child has autism and most of the mentoring is nontraditional or nonverbal.

The thing about parenting is that it almost always puts parents, especially mothers since we are so social, into unofficial mentor relationships. We ask older mothers whose kids turned out well what their secret is and we talk about how to potty train or where to get cheap diapers. Friendship and mentoring relationships are a blended thing in most of life and when parenting, especially little ones, it's very apparent.

But what about the mom in your group whose four year old is not potty trained? She has little to say, right? Maybe that mom doesn't even hang with the other parents, which would be a shame but happens. Would an average mom have any advice for a parent whose child runs into the street with a smile on their face at age nine? Who does?

Parents of other children with autism do!

It is important for parents of children with autism to find their mentoring system. It's also important to have a general support system, people who love you and your kid just the way you are, but right now I mean mentors. For me, my son's teachers in his autism unit as of kindergarden were mentors. They could answer a lot of questions, give advice and point me in the direction of web sites or organizations where I could find what I needed. Also, I have a friend who is a special needs teacher and another who used to be a social worker - both have been invaluable in their support and wisdom. My struggles were not new to them and they had helped others get through them. I don't know what I would have done without them.

But these people did not just show up at my door. Hubby and I left the church that we had attended for years, met and married at, because they did not accept our son. We were asked if we were disciplining enough, pulled out of service because he wouldn't sit in story time and could not find a single place where we felt he was loved. But the day after our first visit to our current church, the head of the children's sunday school called and asked me if our son had enjoyed himself and if there was anything else that they could do to "make him feel loved". Well, I teared up and talked for an hour about our struggles and how much the call meant to me. Needless to say the decision to make it our new church home was an easy one.

Now some of you are not church going people so you will need to find other avenues for mentoring and support. First of all, talk to whatever organizations you are getting services through and ask for listings of support groups or respite providers. Go online and google your city name and autism services or support. The more local the group the easier it is to form good solid friendships because you live near each other and the groups tend to be smaller. Or start volunteering in your child's classroom, you should be anyway just to be involved and to learn from the teacher different strategies for dealing with teaching your child. When volunteering you generally get to form relationships with the teacher and are quite often able to meet other moms and some of them have older kids who also have special needs.

So get out there and make friends! There is no reason to do this alone. And remember that when your kid is older than it is your turn to be the mentor. Don't keep your insight to yourself, use it and then share it. Failure stories can be as helpful as success stories, so just share what you do and let people take what they will from it.

A note to all who already are the mentor moms: Thanks! And remember, when you are the one sharing your advice that dealing with autism is tough and we all do it different so don't be offended if people don't use what you know. What works can be as relative as what's normal! Just appreciate everyone's journey the same way that you want others to appreciate yours.

Notes to moms of kids with autism. Pt 2

2010-01-06T09:16:00.000-08:00

Figuring out what you're dealing with.

Autism is a neurological disorder that makes functioning, especially in society difficult. It's a spectrum disease, which means that you can be in a room with five kids that have ASD (autism spectrum disorder - anyone on the spectrum from high functioning to low) and everyone will look a bit different. This is why diagnosis is made based on observation and questions to the parents than by any diagnostic test. Especially since most kids are diagnosed between two and three, there are behavioral markers and developmental goals missed that are symptoms of autism and not a blood test or anything like that.

Let me boil it down the way that I do when talking to my neuro-typical five year old about autism: Autism just means that your brain works a little different. It still works and there is nothing really wrong or broken, we just need to talk and play with an autistic person in a way that they can understand.

Medically speaking, there has been some great research in the last five years about the mechanics of autism. We still don't know the cause exactly, though most believe that it is a combination of factors both genetic and environmental, but we are understanding more and more how their brains work. For instance, we now know that the two halves of their brains do not communicate very well. Actually, most of the different centers of the brain, like speech and sensory areas, don't communicate well. The neuro-pathways are either not connected or convoluted. What would be a single lane road in my brain is a twisted up mountain highway where the info can drop off of the side in my son's brain. For my son this was really obvious because he could echo speech but not talk intentionally more than a couple of words until around five. The echo part of his brain was hooked up but his attempts at intentional speech were gibberish. If I remember correctly he was five before he told me he loved me without prompting.

Another fact that scans have found is that the memory center of the brain is larger than normal. (Some believe that most autistics have a photographic memory, a theory that I agree with.) This is why patterns and scripting (more on that later) are so helpful. They can memorize that someone saying "Hello" means that their response should be "Hello", but it will be awhile before they are the ones initiating. This is also a reason for many tantrums because, to use an example from my life, they have a memory of what the grocery store looks like. So when that store takes out the video store to put in a pharmacy, that is a big and unexpected change. Change is scary. Scared autistic kids are unhappy kids and they will let you know it.

When your child goes out in the world it can be upsetting for them, mostly because of sensory issues. (And if you aren't paying attention and making adjustments at home then the house can be scary, too.) The equalizer on their senses don't integrate very well. It's like someone else turning the volume and brightness up and down all around you and your skin can be reeeeally sensitive or not feel much unless it's a more harsh stimulation. The rules can change from day to day and depending on mood. An already anxious child is more sensitive and has a lower tolerance to things that upset them, a happy kid will go with the flow a little easier. It's a lot to handle and takes a lot of bravery on your child's behalf. Realizing that the world is different on even these basic levels can help you to be more patient and creative in helping them to function.

Okay, so I've given you a few basics on understanding the nature of autism. I didn't give sources because it's really just what I know after years of reading books and article and talking to doctors and wonderful teachers. I actually had to work hard to be concise because what I have gleaned and what I could find with a day of research could fill a book. (I'm enjoying writing this enough that I think one day it will!)

That brings me to the final and maybe most important point - research with extreme prejudice. Everyone views autism a different way, as an enemy, or a sickness. People feel angry, sad, resigned or relieved to have a reason for the behaviors. So it stands to reason that these feelings and points of view will effect how and what you research. Some people are militant in their search for a cure, they read everything and can quote statistics and medical findings until they lose their voices. Some do nothing and assume that whatever services their schools offer will take care of it. But I urge a slightly different approach. First of all, accept your child for who they are and love them. Don't be put off by their behavior, they can't help it, but instead of trying to find the magic bullet to make it stop - try to find the tools to help them manage a condition that they will live with for the rest of their lives.

There is a book that was written by a man with autism. He can't talk but he can write and at the beginning of the book there is an explanation of how it was verified by several specialists that he was indeed the author. It was an odd book as one would expect from an person with autism, but there were two things that stood out to me and that I always remember. One was an explanation of self stimulating behaviors like jumping and hand flapping. He said that it was how he "found the lost pieces of himself". After I read that I lost any last traces of embarrassment over my son's stimming. In a store I will say, "Let's save that for at home" and he will take it down a notch. But at home he is free to do as he pleases because no one should have to lose pieces of themselves to make others happy.

The second thing that I remember is that he recounts the many healers and men of faith that his mother took him to in order to heal him. He describes in his detached way, how hard his mother prayed and how hard she worked to make him like everyone else. Eventually, he was able to communicate to her that it made him sad. He wrote that he didn't want to be the cause of her upset, he just was who he was.

With that in mind, do the research. Find out what autism is and look for advice on therapies and services in you area. Some people move to get better help for their child and I think that is great, we would if we needed to but we are extremely blessed where we are. When looking at therapies start with the big main ones, like ABA and a gluten free/casein free diet. For us, we can't feed our son GF/CF because he won't eat enough but we are able to be mostly dairy free and low on gluten. Too much and he gets disorganized, but we have to get enough calorie into him so he can grow. Regarding ABA, we opted to not do it. My husband and I decided early on that we wanted our son to have a childhood and not an endless progression of therapy sessions. I don't care how fun therapy is, it is not the same as family time in my opinion.

After you have studied the main therapies and made sure that your school is giving proper support (more on that later), then you can start looking to more alternative therapies if you would like. But be warned, every therapy has a miracle case or two and those cases are shouted from the rooftops. It's great that they worked for those people and if you want to try it and it will not harm your child then do it - but remember that there is not one cure for everybody. "Recovery" is a dream that many chase but very few find. If you want to chase it then just make sure that you don't sacrifice yourself, your family, every last penny of your finances or your relationship to the child that you are trying so hard to help in order to do it.

Remember, love and accept. Give them tools and help them grow, but be a loving parent because they are still really just kids.

Taking a day off!

2010-01-05T11:35:00.001-08:00

While I do have another post in my head for my fellow moms, I am totally brain fried from my intensive writing hotel stay. S0 I'm taking the day off to clean up the much neglected house, hang with the kids and rest my brain.

I'll be back tomorrow though, so don't forget to check back!

Notes to moms of kids with autism. Pt 1

2010-01-04T16:24:00.000-08:00

It's going to be okay.

For this first post, let me talk to those moms who have just found out that their kid has autism or those who are still struggling with the idea even after some time has passed. There are so many things that I want to tell you, so many things that you will learn along the way. But first, as a mom with a high functioning but 'classic' kid with autism, let me give you a hug. Not a polite one but five seconds or more with a small rock to it. You need comforting by someone that's been there and I'm giving it to you. Enjoy. Cry if you want to, crying is part of the parent package.

Now, take a deep breath and settle yourself a little. Got get some tea. Because you need to pay a little attention and absorb a few truths. And you have to stop crying sometime.

1. It will be okay. I swear to you that no matter what level your child functions at it is still possible for things to be okay. They will be okay because of truth number two.

2. You can always make a new normal. Normal is a relative term. If you are one of those people who has spent your life concerned with what others think then this will be a harder concept for you. But if you go to any home, behind closed doors when it's just the family, you'll see that every family is different and yours is no exception. Whatever it is that makes day to day work for you and yours is your normal and you have a right to it. Never let anyone make you feel bad about your normal.

3. Try not to let the reactions of others dictate your actions and emotions. Are people shaking their heads at your four year old in a diaper? Do old ladies tell you that in their day kids were better behaved? Having a meltdown in a store with lots of people watching in apparent disgust or trying to get the attention of a security guard? Well, learn to put on metaphorical blinders. Focus on what your child needs and controlling your emotions enough to give it to them. Who cares if strangers watch or judge, it's not their job and they are rude for doing it. And if one of them is rude enough to actually say something out loud then you give them a little piece of your inner mama bear. Protect your child from the scorn of others with a succinct snippet, like "I'm sorry if he's disturbing you. He has autism and I'm trying to help him calm down." Or just ignore them. I do and it feels great.

4. Cry after the tantrum is done. Children with autism have a hard time with the emotions of others. The first and sometimes only thing that they understand is smile means good and frown means bad. If you are upset and crying then it'll be harder for them to calm down. Fake it till you make it is your mantra with tantrums. Act calm, talk calm, know your child enough to understand what they need if you can. But saving the tears for later will help things to move faster. I'm not perfect at this, no one is. If I've been screamed at for 20 minutes or more I cry, hands down, and it never helps. So trade with your husband if you have to (that's a great system that we use - only one of us gets yelled at at a time so the other can calm down), but try to be the calm that you want for your child. When it's over and they are watching TV like nothing happened then you go in the other room and sob. Don't forget to bring tissue.

5. Never be embarrassed by your child. This is related to numbers 2 and 3 but is very difficult for some adults to do. But let me tell you this, your child knows more than you think. They are just like any other child in that their view of themselves, especially when younger, comes primarily from how you view them. Ask yourself this: Do you cringe and try to hide your child as soon as the jumping, running and hand flapping starts or do you let it go if it's unobtrusive to those around you? Do you talk to your autistic child daily or help others try to talk with them - or do you figure that they have nothing to say and put your energy elsewhere? Remember, if your child were asthmatic you wouldn't be ashamed at their use of an inhaler to function. So don't be ashamed when your child uses self regulatory behaviors to function. It's part of his normal. Also, you would facilitate a child's use of an inhaler by buying and storing it and you should be a facilitator to your child with autism so that they participate in the social world around them as much as they are able.

5a. If you are embarrassed of your child's autism then their siblings will be to. Teach your other children by example that autism is part of your normal and that there is nothing wrong with it. Praise your autistic child's advances and personality just as much as your neuro-typical child's. Everyone is different and that's okay, it's a commonly known fact but one that is bigger and more meaningful in your family. Live it and you will teach it.

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I'll post more later. I want to cover some advice on marriage and school. But if you are visiting this blog and have friends with children who are autistic, please send them the link. It's my hope that people will find it helpful.

One more thing, for any who are new, here's a little about who I am - I'm almost 35 and have been married for 13 years this February. My son is 10 and has autism, he's biological. My daughter is 5 and neuro-typical, she is adopted from Haiti. We are a happy and loving family with a wacky sense of humor, so I just want to share some of the things that have worked for us. : )

Alone in a hotel...

2010-01-03T13:46:00.000-08:00

Maybe I was a bit hasty and naive when I came up with my plan for today. See, since Hubby broke that leg in October and I had missed a lot of writing time because of it, we decided that I could/should spend a night or two in a hotel alone.

That's right, three days and two nights with no kids, errands or chores - just me and a keyboard. Sounds like writing heaven, right? I mean, I had visions of all night writing sessions and looking adorably disheveled as I ordered more pizza to be delivered, barely looking up to see that the sun had gone down as I finished my revisions on Elemental.

Honestly, I liked that Hubby was willing to do it but had absolutely no intention of taking him up on it. Money is tight right now and I had put the money elsewhere. But then this afternoon two things happened that changed my mind. One, I had an epiphany about my main character. Even though the book centers on her I couldn't quite pin her down. But there I was fixing my hair and boom... Anything that happened after that was just bidding time until I could sit and write. My brain was full and churning with words, everything was coming together - I just knew it.

Second, I went to the blog for Marjorie M Liu and she said that she was going to be offline for the week while she wrote a book. Well, that could only mean that the universe was sending me a sign. Ignore the money and go write because you will succeed and then there will be more money anyway!

So here I am, thanks to Priceline.com and William Shatner. What I had not anticipated was the insane mental block that locked on as soon as I entered the hotel. All of that world building and plot untangling turned into thoughts of failure, fear and regret. I have sat here for almost an hour and not written word one in my story. It makes the negative emotions louder and I have to admit that I can't even remember half of what I had figured out this morning.

Well, the way that I see it these are the moments that show you who you are in life. I took a huge leap of faith here. Money is spent, Hubby sacrificed time with guy friends for watching kids, family time is on hold and I have done a thing that a non-writer would probably not understand. I feel exposed and challenged, humbled. So what am I going to do with that?

This TV here has cable and it's tempting to turn it on. Just watch one show to calm down. But will I really turn it off? We don't have cable at home and it would be really easy to have one show turn into four simply for the novelty. I can sit and read work done by other authors which would kill lots of time and make me feel justified for not writing since I can't write as well as that person. Yet.

Or I can use the advice that I have been collecting over the months and take a pick axe to my mental block. Whether I take it down stone by stone or blow it to bits with one good trick, I could put my energy into forward progress. No matter how slow it is, it would be the right direction and would keep guilt off of my list of negative emotions.

But attacking my self doubt is work. Creativity is work. Wallowing however, is easy. Complacency is simple and effortless.

I'm alone in a hotel and all I want to do is relax. Right?

Ending the year right.

2009-12-31T17:13:00.000-08:00

I had to work all day and then spent time with family to make sure that I ended the year on the right note. So there's no time for anything poetic or amazing from me right now and I am too tired to be profound. But I wanted to say that 2009 was a very good year for us and I liked it. It was low on money but high on good family time and happy kids. No one could ask for more.

Happy New Year and may next year be even better!

Winter Break is a week too long.

2009-12-30T05:52:00.000-08:00

Ah, winter break from school. A time when a parent's fancy turns to thoughts of "What the hell is wrong with the schools that they can't be open the week after Christmas!" This is always a tough week for every parent. The kids just had a super exciting week and, despite what the school district seems to think, none of us are out traveling - we are home and the kids are bored with the new toys and amped from leftover Christmas candy. Chaos reigns as the tree still fills too much of the living room and the dog is beginning to chew the ornaments. Cats have decided that said tree is their home and scratching post and attack any who disturb their sheltered slumber. Parents stare bleary eyed at all of it and sip more Winter Blend coffee as the youngest dances so fast to the new keyboard that they begin to blur around the edges.

Well, sounds like a good time for me to either bury my head in my laptop and write with headphones on or go to work. Either one will do. As long as the house is still standing on Monday I will consider this week a success and begin the long clean up process. Until then - God help us all.

Happy rest of Winter Break!

The best Christmas gift for a writer - time to write!

2009-12-29T10:51:00.000-08:00

Hubby gave me about 5 hours of writing time today! I'm out writing, eating snacks, drinking coffee and then writing some more. What a good day!

Also, I'm discovering that not every server is a gracious server when you take up a table for 2 hours because you're writing while you eat. It's not like there aren't any empty tables, but some people just want the transaction to end. Come in, eat, leave. Yes, ma'am.

For anyone that writes, I got some great advice from TribalWriter.com. There are some real gems in there! The one that I took away today and used successfully was the concept of "morning pages". The idea is that when you first sit down in the morning, or whenever, write out three pages of whatever is on your mind. Just let it flow and let it go. I wrote about the kids, the hubby, my writing fears and errands that are waiting for me. One page later I was ready to work on my story because me mental palate was all cleansed. Nice!

Well, I'm going to leave this place of nervous waitresses and go back down the street to the library and write some more. I have two more hours - joy!

Holiday greetings to you and yours!

2009-12-21T12:36:00.000-08:00

Make Christmas Comments at BlingPixie.com

New book contest for Happy Snak

2009-12-18T06:39:00.000-08:00

Marjorie M Liu gave her blog readers a heads up about a new book coming out next year called Happy Snak by Nicole Kimberling. It look hilarious, sexy and fun - three of my favorite words. If you are interested there is a contest going on at Literary Escapism for a free copy. Good luck!

Here is the description...

A little uncivil disobedience is good for the soul…
Gaia Jones is on A-Ki space station for one reason, and it’s not to ogle the hermaphroditic aliens. She’s out to make a name for herself and her line of intoxicating human snacks. Not easy in A-Ki’s tightly controlled society. Her task gets even more delicate when she rushes to the aid of a dying alien—and finds herself the unwilling guardian of a shunned alien ghost named Kenjan. And the new owner of his slave.
The danger mounts when Kenjan’s grieving lover, the powerful leader of the Kishocha, offers her a dream and a nightmare rolled into one: a new store all her own with a strange double purpose—half snack bar, half shrine. The catch? She must spend the rest of her life there, tending Kenjan the Heretic’s ghost. Or the entire station will be destroyed.
There’s only one way to gain both her freedom and justice for Kenjan—teach both the powerful government elite and the Kishocha theocracy a lesson in uncivil disobedience…

Intentions

2009-12-16T07:26:00.001-08:00

Okay, I have sat down and written the first sentence of this post three times this morning so apparently I am busy. Well, I might have lots to do but I am putting it all off to write for awhile today. So far I have bombed on my goals. (No way!) I have blogged but not gotten any writing done because life gets in the way. Well, life and recovering from life. I take time for down time and refuse to apologize - it keeps me going.

So what I have been thinking about this morning, besides all of the stuff that I should be doing, is Lynn Viehl's blog post from yesterday. She says that when she is writing that she considers marketability and is not ashamed to admit it. Awesome, I'm not the only one!

When I talk about writing and whether or not a book will sell everyone, including my Hubby who makes a living drawing pictures, will tell me that I should never write a story with an eye on money. It kills creativity (true) and makes for a poor story (not necessarily). The thing that I never seem to be able to make anyone understand is that if writing is to be your career than you do indeed need to look at what you are writing with at least a small amount of interest in whether or not it is marketable. Am I trying to kill the soul of my story? Nope. Do I need the money and want others to pay me to read what I wrote. Yes!

It's a fine line, to be sure. But any writer who wants to be successful needs to at least consider for a moment if the story that they are writing is worth the time. If you are writing just for the joy of it then good for you, but writing with the goal of making a living requires intention.

And I intend to make a living doing something that I love.

Cancer free is the way to be.

2009-12-15T17:34:00.000-08:00

Just found out today that my blood work and scans came back as 100% cancer free. Before now, when the scans were clean but the blood work was questionable, I still called myself cancer free but knew that there was an unseen asterisk next to it. Now, there is no asterisk and I can claim a clean bill of health with clear conscience.

I feel good but a little numb, like when I found out that I was pregnant all those years ago. It's great news and I did a happy dance at first but now I feel like I am absorbing and healing emotionally.

But in a good way. And man, it's good to have something good.

The benefits of structure.

2009-12-14T06:34:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a lot about structure lately. Being one of those people who are not dominant on either side of my brain I both crave the beauty of balance and symmetry and cannot follow a detailed plan for my time to save my life. Visual structure, yes. Lifestyle structure, no. I have no concept of time and am incapable of fooling myself onto believing that following a schedule is important.

Well, unless it is following my autistic son's schedule, then life depends on it! But even that is only important because of the effect that ignoring the schedule has on him and therefore the rest of us. No one cares if I waste hours of my day and I can't seem to care either, even if I have a detailed schedule sitting next to me on my desk. As a matter of fact, I can waste lots of time making schedules and plans. I feel very mature and proud as I gaze upon my list of intentions but ultimately feel irritated as soon as it begins to try to dictate my time.

I like to follow my muse as much as possible when the kids aren't around. So much of my day is spent taking care of them and seeing to their needs and the needs of the house and such that when they are not home I want to do what I want to do. It seems like the structure that I tried, with good intention, to put into my day is demanding that I give up more of my time instead of helping me to manage what I have.

I think that this is the artist in me, the part of me that wants to follow the flow of the universe around me and see what I find. It's easy and fun, relaxing and refreshing. As a matter of fact, I think that spending some of my time this way is very healthy for the mind, body and soul and highly recommend it.

But I have noticed that no steadily published author does what they do without structure. As a matter of fact, they all say that until you find a structure for your day, the way that you pursue your career as a writer and for the writing itself that you will never succeed.

Damn, but I think that they are right.

Case in point, I have a tendency to sit and write whatever is in my head. Most of the time I sit down and wonder what I want to write about at that moment. I have paragraphs and pages from all kinds of stuff on my laptop. Now that's okay, but how many of those have I finished? One. How many times have I approached an editor? Once. An agent? Once. This is not how a career is started. I am just way too scattered.

Luckily I consider two wonderful authors to be mentors to me. They are both extremely generous and have talked with or emailed me and I kind of hang on every word that they say about writing. The coolest thing about this is that they seem to represent the two sides of my brain. The first is Marjorie M. Liu, she is the creative side. She comes up with a situation or a great first sentence and then follows the story from there. Organic, she calls it. This is wonderful because she writes with the same process that I do and is so good at what she does. But she is able to sit and write in the story that she is working on. There is method to the madness in the fact that she does what she needs to do and finishes her stories. This is what I learn from her - to allow myself to write the way that I do but to temper that with just enough structure to be dependable as a writer.

The other author is Lynn Viehl. She is so structured that it's almost a military operation, which is fitting since she used to be in the military. Lynn likes to make a notebook about her characters, their world, pictures and plot. As a matter of fact she has even done posts about how to log what you do in a day, figure out how much time you spend on what and then make a schedule for the day, week, month and year to maximize your writing without taking too much away from the rest of your life. I confess, I didn't even read those posts too closely since being that detailed about that much structure made me bored. That is probably a large part of my issue with structure, I don't like to be bored. Structure is sooo boring! But Lynn is a prime example of why structure can work, she has a full and seemingly happy family as well as work life - a goal that we all strive for.

So I've been thinking about what structure can do for me if I find a way to make it workable. A way to combine Marjorie and Lynn's philosophies, as it were. For me, it seems to boil down to daily and monthly goals. One or two of each only - let's not go crazy! I want to blog daily and write for 2 hours on non-work days. There, daily goals that are accomplishable. Monthly goals will be set monthly depending on my status and involve the business side. Since there are only two weeks left in the month and it's the holidays, I've set my goal for the end of January. Right now it is to finish revising my book and send it to the Knight Agency. That means I need to do a whole new synopsis and query, so the monthly goal does have some writing to it but will involve submissions and followups.

There! I feel more organized and structured already. Success is mine. For today.

The confidence to be confident.

2009-12-11T08:06:00.000-08:00

I'm a friendly introvert. It's equally common for me to be described as open, friendly, funny and a person that's easy to talk to as it is arrogant, standoffish and weird. Actually, even people who think that I'm friendly usually eventually get to weird, I just can't seem to escape that one. Not that I'd want to. I think that weird is usually a short hand way of saying that someone is unafraid of being who they are. If I like comic books and zombies (even though most zombie movies are too scary for me and I only read spoilers about them) but still claim that my favorite movie is Pride and Prejudice with Kiera Knightly, then so be it. If I can top most people with my knowledge of vitamins, exercise and healthy eating then say that I am 5 pounds away from obese because I just love pizza and beer too much, then what of it? I just jumped from one socially acceptable box to another instead of staying where I was. My response to people who don't like that kind of thing and lose interest in talking to me after tidbits like that is simply "Neener neener".

There is another thing that drives some of people crazy about me - I'm outwardly confident. Well, most of the time. I'm just like anyone else and have good days and bad day, times when I will grin and declare that I rock and times when I cry and insist that I am the worst wife, mom, friend, woman, human, carbon based life form in the world. But I usually save the insecurity for at home with just the hubby around and cling to my confidence when I'm out in the world. And why not? I am an intelligent, beautiful woman who has a great marriage and two wonderful kids that are thriving. I have every reason to walk with my head held high and so do most women. But I have noticed that very few do.

And those who don't are sometimes offended by me. At my last job two fellow employees went to the manager and asked that I be fired because I was an "arrogant bitch". It was two weeks in on a job that I had done before. I had kept my mouth shut to learn their procedure but jumped in to help on day one because I knew the job and saw no reason to sit by and watch. They took exception to the fact that I considered myself able to do the job that I had several years experience in. I had the audacity to think of myself as an equal when I had more experience than all but one of the women in my department. Did I think of myself as better? No. Did I question how they did things? Not unless I didn't understand. Was I arrogant? Looking back with total honesty...no. I was doing the job as I knew it and I had confidence in my abilities. Horrifying, I know but I'm weird that way.

Understand this, I'm not just concerned about how any of this affects me. I've got my standard "Neener neener" response and don't sweat the petty stuff. Or pet the sweaty stuff. But I worry for young girls and the fact that for many, the only examples that they see of 'confident' women are half dressed surgically enhanced sex toys on legs that dominate TV and movies. In real life those women are the opposite of confident since they starve themselves to be thin and get surgery to stay young. That's not self love or acceptance, that's eternally seeking the approval of people who don't even know you.

Here's a good example of what I mean about the examples that most girls get at home. Last night I went to a school function for the holidays at my daughter's school and we wore a matching set of deer antler headbands with little jingle bells and fluffy tufts in the front. It's silly and fun, but we were making gingerbread houses out of empty milk cartons and graham crackers so it seemed like a great idea. And it was - lots of kids pointed and laughed, my daughter hammed it up by shaking her head and it was an instant visual signal that the little girl sitting next to me was my daughter even though her warm brown skin is so different than my ghostly paleness. Good times!

At one point in the evening one of my daughter's friends came to our table and they hugged and squealed and acted like 5 year olds. After a little while the girl's mom came up and we started to chat. She was a perfectly normal woman wearing a holiday sweater and looking like the mother of two energetic girls. Nodding toward the area over my head she said that the antlers were cute and that she wished she could wear something like that. Good news! I told her, they are a buck for the pair at Dollar Tree. But she sadly shook her head and said that she had been called a cow in high school and could never wear anything with horns or antlers. Feeling a little desperate I told her that they also had snowmen headbands but she only shook her head again and informed me that only beautiful people like me could do things like that and walked off with her two girls who had heard the whole thing.

Let me tell you that I was as sad for her girls as I was for that mom.

I was raised with the example that it was my duty as a female to hate everything about myself. That accepting a compliment gracefully was "having a big head" and that your only hope in life was finding a guy who could look past your many feminine flaws and try my hardest to keep him. In middle and high school I wore clothes so big that I was asked more than once if I was hiding a pregnancy. I was told at times by students and even some family members that I was not very pretty and not very slim, which wasn't really a put down since it was always preceded by stating what a shame it was. Usually a thing about you that's a shame is not really your fault, it's just a shame that you have to bear that particular cross. At least that's how my young mind perceived it. Thank God.

The biggest factor in all of that was really seeing the women in my family and their example. They hated themselves and judging everyone around them, including me at times, was the best way to make them feel a little better. If you feel fat then make sure to point out people fatter than you. Or point out someone not as large as you and declare that you will never be as fat as that and watch the awkwardness levels soar! Not pretty enough, just check out the clown make up on that lady at the grocery store. Now describe it in greater and more elaborate detail to everyone you see for a few days. Because for those few days and those few conversations you are better than someone else in your own eyes and it's easy to fool yourself into thinking that the person hearing the story feels that same way.

What nonsense.

It took many years and a lot of looking at causes, fears, preconceived notions and ugly things inside of myself to realize that I am a human being just like everyone else and as such I have equal standing with others. This is the secret that confident people know. I have seen and known more than one person that was truly unattractive on any and all physical beauty scales. But when that person walked into a room and started talking they were seen and heard in a totally different way than even a physically beautiful person with no self esteem. (And there are a ton of those.) As a matter of fact, the longer I knew these people the more I realized that that I saw them as beautiful and would be hard pressed to point out physical imperfections. Confidence is amazingly beautiful, sexy and easy to follow when that person is a leader. It's a gift that is cultivated by seeing the world less as a group of people judging you and more as fellow inhabitants on a wonderfully varied and amazing planet.

This is the gift that a confident parent can give to their child. And one that is easily denied when you forget that no one who matters cares about how you look, they care about who you are.

10 Things that kept me from the blog this time...

2009-12-08T06:24:00.000-08:00

1. The fact that I was taking a pouting break after my lousy critique. BTW, it turned out that there were two judges for that contest and the second one loved my story! Huzzah!

2. Got a little overwhelmed taking care of house and family stuff while Hubby's leg was healing. He's doing much better now and doesn't even need crutches anymore, just the plastic boot. : )

3. Didn't know what to write and don't know how to post one of those sticky note things that look so cool on other blogs. You know, the kind that is usually signed by Alfred the butler - I love those.

4. Alien abduction. It was only for a week, but what a week it was...

5. I'm just kidding!

6. It was for a week and a half.

7. I started eating the low iodine diet that was part of the preparation for my six month scan to make sure that my thyroid cancer stays good and gone. It's an amazingly restrictive diet and literally seems to take over most of my life for a couple of weeks.

8. Dealing with the emotions that come up every time this cancer stuff comes around again. My poor husband has to listen to the same 'deep' discussions every six months and he does it very well. Then again, this was the first time that he told me, "I don't want to talk about anything deep or serious. Let's just watch a movie." I must admit that I was a little peeved because cancer should give a person a free pass to get melancholy all they want any time they want. But we have been doing this for two years and I was preparing to go over familiar ground anyway, so I conceded that his part of my cancer stuff gives him certain rights as well. One of them being that he does not have to participate in every wallowing session I have.

9. Thanksgiving freakout. I don't like the holidays. They are stressful and upsetting and horribly mandatory. Someday I hope to form our own traditions that allow our kids to come and see us with genuine smiles and excitement. But until then we have to deal with the holidays as usual and that means freakouts.

10. Laziness. Genuine distilled 100% pure laziness. I didn't wanna and I was busy so I didn't! (How's that for illness induced self importance?)

So, does anyone else have anything that they should have been doing the last few weeks that ended up being avoided? What's your excuse?

High school English, all over again.

2009-11-15T06:55:00.001-08:00

Well, I got my first full fledged critical spanking. I mean, no holds barred "You sucked balls" type stuff. It was as crushing as one would think. I never want to write again. I suck. I don't have a viable job and need to find something else to do for money and fulfillment. Maybe I should get a license for hair or nails since I already work in a salon and spa. Maybe I should get a student loan and go back to college for a degree in a field that will make me money. Maybe I'm failing. Well, definitely I'm failing. I usually do.

But there was one sentence that caught my eye near the end of the critique. Half of a sentence actually. She said that I wrote an interesting story if only I would tell it well and not break every fiction writing rule in the book.

Huh.

I can't tell you how much I don't want to write anymore. It's difficult and time consuming and I find it to be extremely frustrating. The other day I described it to Hubby as "Trying to grab a cloud and make a string out of it." I don't always like doing it and often hate what I wrote anyway.

But what if I can tell a good story if I learn some discipline. This critique reminds me of my high school English teacher. I had previously written stuff that wowed every teacher. All A's and sometimes teachers encouraging me to get it published. I had some serious confidence in my writing skills because I liked what I wrote and had been told that it was good. Then I started in this woman's class. I forget her name but will always remember her very clearly because we hated each other. My first year in her class she ripped my papers apart and always gave me Cs. She said that I had good ideas but was sloppy, unorganized and had terrible grammar. Poor structure, sentence fragments, run on sentences, terrible punctuation - you name it. And this woman showed me no mercy. God, I hated her!

So why, you might ask, did I take her class a second time when I had the option of another teacher? Because I knew she was right.

By the end of that first year I got an A in that class. Barely and after much extra credit work. The second year I also got an A but with a better percentage. We argued and fussed at each other and she often told me that she expected college level work and would take nothing less. I thought that she hated me as much as I did her but I liked the challenge and could see that she made my work better. (By the way, college English was a breeze thanks to her.)

At the last conference of the year my dad told her about my plans to be a nurse, which I did not follow up on. According to my dad she got pretty upset, like angry upset, and said that she thought that I was supposed to be a writer. It was the highest praise that I ever got from her and probably the most important to me of any that I ever received.

So maybe this critique was her spirit yelling at me again. Yelling that 15 years away from her has made me lazy and sloppy again and that if I want to be a writer I need to treat the writing with respect. Respect for myself as a writer, for the reader and for the words that I use to tell my story.

It's a great teacher that continues to teach 15 years after their last class with you. But I'm still listening and am grateful for the lesson.

Writing sample: Coffee Run

2009-11-09T08:06:00.000-08:00

I have been able to get a small amount of writing done. I've been trying to focus on telling a fun story that I would like to read and thinking less about how others will receive it. Making my inner critic shut up, as it were. : )

So here is a little scene that I wrote the other day. It's a first draft and not perfect, but I think that it shows the progress that I'm making in letting me and my voice shine through without a filter.

Seraphina stalked down the sidewalk, her 4 inch silver stilettos issueing sharp cracks that echoed off the buildings with each step. Honestly, not the shoes she would have chosen if she had known what tonight was going to turn into. Short black leather skirt and tight black shirt boucing in time to her steps, the silver knives strapped to her upper right thigh flashed just a bit with ever other step. Guns dangled in her hands by her sides, one in each. Fingers on the triggers, eyes on alert.

As she scanned the alleyways, windows and doors for signs of her enemy her vision winked in and out from normal to infrared. She could see the heat signatures of the rats in and near garbage cans, the yellow mass of a cat ran across the street with a yowl as she clicked by. People on the street were walking rainbows of color, all with that same luscious yellow inside. In the times when her vision was normal she saw that few noticed her guns and those that did chose to quickly look away. She was downtown at 4am, if someone yelled about a gun who would come? The cops were asleep in their patrol cars or filling up on pre-breakfast donuts right about now.

Shaking her head to get normal vision back she cursed the fickle fall weather. It was too cold, her breath puffing in the air in front of her. She was dressed for tonight's job, not for being outside and her body was using energy to warm her. Dammit, she knew to plan better before going out. But when she had left the apartment earlier she had been distracted and dressed for the job at hand, not for complications. If there was one thing that Sera knew, it's that life is absolutely full of complications.

She needed heat.

Seeing a Phoenix Coffee ahead of her she picked up her pace. The closer she got the more her vision flickered until it became a steady picture of colors. Walking rainbows, like multilayered candy. Each layer a different flavor and she was getting a sweet tooth bad.

Time running short she ran the last half block and jerked open the door. Before her stood a line of people waiting patiently for their turn to order. Depth perception shot she couldn’t see details, only knew that the third person in line was the warmest and that if she didn’t act fast then that person would die first.

She walked around the line and straight to the person taking orders. People from behind her began to mutter but she ignored them and put in her order in the clearest voice she could muster.

“Large coffee, black, now.”

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but you need to wait...” Amazing how a gun to the forehead can change a person’s mind.

“Coffee, now.”

A heartbeat later a shaking coffee cup came into her peripheal vision as the other server held out the steaming cup. Sera plunked her other gun on the counter and used that free hand to gulp it down. Coffee trickled down the corners of her mouth and wet the front of her shirt. She handed back the empty cup. “More.”

The woman took the cup and began to fill it. Someone farther back in line either didn’t see the guns or didn’t care. “Hey lady, get in line! You gotta wait like the rest of us!”

Sera merely swung the arm still holding a gun to the back of the line and aimed it at the mans heart without even turning her head. There were gasps but, blessedly, no screams. She just didn’t have time for screams right now. A couple of people fell to the ground but most chose freezing in place as the best option.

Accepting the next cup she gulped it down just slow enough to not spill again and gave it back. Twice more she did this until she thought she would burst from all of the liquid she had poured in. But it was worth it once warmth flooded her body and she could see with normal vision the beads of sweat on the servers forehead.

“Thanks, I needed that. Can I please have one more but with 6 sugars and 3 creams?” At the servers nod she looked back at the line. Now she could see faces, clothing and emotions in eyes. Most were scared, not ideal but couldn’t be helped. A couple were right and truly pissed. Well, that couldn’t be helped either. The man at the end of the line was glaring at her with the most intensity and her gun was leveled on the middle of his sternum. He must have been the complainer. She had aimed about 8 inches below the sound of his voice and her guess had been true. If she so much as sneezed this guy was dead and he knew it.

“Excuse me, miss. Here’s the..the...um, coffee.” The poor woman really was giving excellent service despite her fear. Sera was impressed.

Reaching into her bra she pulled out a hundred dollar bill and put it on the counter in front of her before hooking her second gun in the back of her skirt and grabbing the coffee. “That’s for you. Excellent job today...” She checked the name tag. “Missy! Nicely done. Thanks again. And don’t feel like you need to share that tip with this guy that I talked to first. If you you pee your pants and never even deliver the order then you lose your right to the tip, right?”

Missy gave a startled laugh and looked over at Mike. Sure enough the front of his pants were wet and there was a thin line of snot running down his face.

With a smile and a wave, Sera turned and walked up to Mr. Grumpy at the end of the line. He glared down at her, face red and eyes furious. “Thank you for your patience,” she demured with wide eyes. Then, with a grin that showed very sharp teeth she whispered. “Patience is a virtue. It would be wise of you to remember that.”

Lowering her gun she swiftly walked out of the cafe and down the street.

Change of plan.

2009-11-05T13:22:00.000-08:00

Ok, kids, here's the scoop. Finances are running super lean over here at Casa de la Gott. So instead of concentrating on NaNoWriMo, a large part of the cranium will be put to use overhauling the old Etsy shop and trying to bring in some greenbacks for the holidays.

I hope to still get at least reach the half way point with the novel that I have started by the end of the month but most of my free time will be put into crafting and farting art. Or arting farts. Whatever sells.

Speaking of the novel, I got my first rejection! Cool! It was a really good experience because she brought to light something that I think I knew but didn't want to admit - I don't write freely. When I write I worry about sounding professional, about offending the family, about whether or not my hip friends will think it's cool and if the Hubby will be miserable and rolling his eyes while he reads it. I write scared and that is no way to work.

The question is how to get away from doing that. It's a default setting and I have a difficult time turning it off. But there are two writing blogs that I read daily and they have both recently talked about ignoring your internal critic during your first draft. I think that I have been letting my internal editor run the show and that my work has been altered because of it. The best parts of all of my work are when I write what I see without changing it for someone else's benefit.

So there is my plan for now - I will craft until I drop and then write. Plus work and take care of the house and kids. And the broken legged Hubby. I might even find time to sleep!

Uh oh, NaNoWriMo!

2009-11-04T06:19:00.000-08:00

Okay, it's day four of NaNoWriMo and I have only sat down once to write. It's actually okay though. I got out 1,179 words in the 25 minutes that I had before my daughter's bus came and they are good ones.

I did it with my patented method of getting into the story big time and have found a mighty weapon to use to get there. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you...The Dr. Wicked's Write or Die thingee! *Roar of a small but enthusiastic crowd*

All you do is go to the page, enter the number of words that you want to write and in what time. Then the fun part is choosing your mode for consequences and grace period. There is everything from gentle mode (why bother) to evil, kamikaze and electric shock. I tried normal and strict, just to see how it worked. Basically it gives you a space to start typing and then, based on your preferences, will change the background color when too much time has gone by without typing. The color change without noise or pictures is ideal because it's a visual cue that's not really distracting. It's fun and made me compete with myself which is ideal. By the time the timer ran out I didn't really care anymore because I had moved on to the finish line being when BabyGirl's bus came.

So if you're a writer and are having a day when you just can't seem to get going - try Dr. Wicked's Write or Die page. It's fun, effective and just a little bit evil. : )

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!...Crap!

2009-11-02T08:43:00.000-08:00

National Novel Writing Month started yesterday and I totally forgot! It's okay because I don't have to technically write every day, but if I want to finish the 50,000 word challenge by the end of the month then I need to get my butt in gear!

Speaking of writing, I have been trying to get back into it and found that it is super tough to do when you are out of the habit. I am such a "follow the story" kind of writer and that means that I write my best when I am lost in the story. I can't plot because I have no idea what's going to happen and so I have no map at the beginning of the book usually. Well, a basic map maybe - one that has a picture of Earth with an arrow or two that says, "Story starts here and might end up over there...or maybe not."

So I have some great ideas and just need to find ways to be more disciplined in getting lost in the story. There is such a difference, let me tell you. The other day I was writing and I could see the whole thing in my head but what came out of my fingers was some sort of extremely sparse script for a play. Try as I might the world would not get on the page and the characters were paper cutouts with word balloons. When I'm lost in the moment my fingers fly and the world unfurls like a drop of dye in a glass of water. It's beautiful and mesmerizing to me, I never want to stop.

I know that I have said that I needed to develop this skill better before but I have had trouble finding the time for the last few months. But I have a secret weapon that I have used since high school - I thrive on deadlines. The adrenaline rush feeds me and I can't stop the flow. In times of writing for myself I send half an hour on one page and practically grumble through the whole thing. Add a deadline and it's a whole new ball game. This is how I finished Elemental, I had a 9 day deadline till the conference and I just wrote my heart out during all waking hours. Now I have another deadline, four weeks until I need to finish 50,000 words or else I will have failed.

I really hate failing. I'm an overachiever by nature. (But a nice one and I only compete with myself - never ask my to join your sports team because I am the opposite of competitive on the field.)

Anyway, off I go to write and attempt to meet my deadline. Oooo, I got shivers just typing that. There will be updates on the blog and here is my NaNoWriMo link.

Wish me luck!

Wow. I'm tired.

2009-10-19T07:53:00.000-07:00

My son finished up with the flu enough to go to school on Wednesday, Hubby broke his leg on Thursday and the dog is throwing up blood clots since Sunday.

Needless to say the blog is on a bit of a hiatus. If I do any writing I'm hoping to work on my books. That's right, I'm working on two because I need to do the one in case my Elemental gets picked up and the other won't leave me alone.

You kids play nice and I'll post more when things calm down around here.

Mini Post: A PSA about dealing with autism when it makes you, the observer, uncomfortable.

2009-10-12T12:57:00.000-07:00

The more you know...

*Matt Damon is leaning against a grey wall and looks up from a book that he is reading*

Next time, when you are in a doctor's office and there is a mother trying to settle down her 10 year old that is yelling and very upset because he is obviously special needs and sick - try not to stare. That mother is doing her best to calm the child and your staring only makes her shoulders hunch and tension grip her every muscle. Also, a deep and primal rage begins to well up in her at your rudeness and lack of compassion and that does not help her to maintain the calm talking voice that is necessary to change the situation.

Remember that everyone with a special needs child is always deeply sorry when your day has been interrupted by autism or whatever else the child may deal with. We hope that the rest of your day is filled with language capable children, no sensory disturbances and conversations with your offspring. Lord knows that theirs won't.

*Matt closes the book and walks off. Just as he is about to leave the shot he quietly but clearly says, "Buncha Assholes."*

Da na na na naaaaa!

The more you know...

Getting back on track.

2009-10-12T10:57:00.000-07:00

There has been so much business and illness in this house in the last month! Traveling, teaching, working, a spouse with a terrible chest cold, being pretty sick myself and then a kid with the flu. I feel a little like an entire month of my life has been stolen from me.

But it will all work out in the end, always does. I have a lot of catching up to do and hope to continue getting well so that I can tackle it faster than my current pace of slogging along with a box of Kleenex and bag of Halls.

I have writing to do (As always, that is never really 'caught up'), housework to catch up on, church stuff that's been left undone, friends to call, plans to make and have just compiled a short list of books to read. As crazy as it sounds, I'm a little sick of fiction for just a bit. It happens every once in a while. To write a fiction story there must be drama and I do eventually get sick of the drama, the bad decisions, the traumatic back stories and the angst. Unfortunately there aren't a million David Sedaris, Sarah Vowell and Sloane Crosley books out there so I must look elsewhere.

Once, in a time of fiction fatigue just like now, I went to the store and stumbled on a book that I loved called Another Day in the Frontal Lobe: A Brain Surgeon Exposes Life on the Inside by Katrina Firlik. It was exactly what I needed at the time and I read all of the gory details with a smile on my face. The list that I have compiled right now is not medically themed, but social justice. I don't know if I'll be able to read through the list but I'll have it for whenever I want to go back to it. Just like I have another medical book about cadavers that I have kept in the back of my head for awhile in case I do decide to get medical.

Here is my little list, let me know what you think. Or better yet, let me know what is on your non-fiction reading list!

1. Everyday Justice by Julie Clawson

2. We the Purple: Faith, Politics and the Independent Voter by Marcia Ford

3. Fair Trade: A Beginner's Guide by Jaqueline Decarlo

Book Review: Shadowlight by Lynn Viehl

2009-10-02T06:05:00.000-07:00

Finally, I had the time to read the wonderful new book Shadowlight by Lynn Viehl. Recently Ms. Viehl was cool enough to let the followers of her blog volunteer to be sent an eARC in exchange for a review. An ARC is an Advanced Reader Copy, the pre-release book that is sent out to people in the business for reviews and such. The e part just means that it was a file that she sent me instead of a hardcopy - saving trees one author at a time! I thought that her idea was a bit odd at first, those of us who would normally buy the book now have an electronic copy and I am too cheap to buy what I already have. The actual truth is that we who received an eARC are now singing the book's praises before it is released in stores. So I have changes my mind and now think that Ms.Viehl is some kind of crazy genius who stays away from conferences because her brilliance is too much for the public to handle in person.

Another thing that made it so cool was that I felt like one of the big kids. Sure she sent a copy to anyone who asked - but as a newbie writer trying to get anyone in publishing to notice me, having an established author let me have an ARC was a big deal. Plus she gave me a deadline for the review. I had a deadline that someone else set and that person was a big time author - be still my palpating heart!

The book itself took me a little while to read because I was busy and not hooked by the opening chapter. I could tell that it was the nice and gentle opening before tragedy struck but I just didn't like Jessa, the female lead character, from page one. Unfortunetely that dislike carried through the whole book. I think that some of it was my personality, I don't like nice string o' pearl wearing women who have lived lovely lives and wear tailored suits. There is nothing wrong with them but I just don't jive with them and so when a character in a book is like that it is almost a given that I won't like them. Another thing about her was her intense distrust of people who shared psi-abilities with her and her inability to accept the possibility that there was a race, the Darkyn, that had all of the same abilities but had to stay out for the sun and drink blood. She had never been actually pursued for her talents and the leap from psi-ablilites to psi-abilities and drinks blood is not so big in my mind. So her resistance just struck me as annoying stubbornness after awhile.

Having said that, I did enjoy the story and most of the other characters in this book very much. The Takyn series seems to be a little more high on adventure than your average Darkyn book and I like that. Once the action started it just kept on coming. I loved the psychotic Lawson as a crazy guy obsessed with Jessa and GenHance as the evil corporation that has no qualms about playing god. The chase scenes got my heart pumping and I felt a real sense of dread as Jessa was stalked. That is why this book is good writing and Ms Viehl deserves her bestseller status. If I never fully warm up to a character but am still able to place myself next to her as she runs from a psycho and feel my heart pound in a shared fear then that author has mad skills with a keyboard.

A word about a character that I did fully warm up to - Rowan. Man, I love Rowan. Here is a woman who has struggled and has more than one tragedy in her life. She has been molded and bent but never broken by a hard past. At the end of the book there is a sneak peek at the next Takyn book which is Rowan's and is called Dreamveil. It looks so awesome that I think I whimpered when the excerpt ended. I cannot wait until 2010!

So I definitely recommend this book to anyone into paranormal romance. It's an exciting first book for a series that explains what it needs to but doesn't skimp on the action. I have found that some first books in a series are so busy world building that they forget to show me why I should care. This book made me care even if I wasn't initially inclined to. The release date is October 6, so keep an eye out for it!

In defense of groceries.

2009-09-29T06:05:00.000-07:00

This morning I was doing the dishes and thinking about how I needed to clean out the fridge due to a hotdog juice spill when I remembered a scene from the movie G Force. Yes, movies about spy guinea pigs and their self image issues stick with me. Anyway, in the movie there is a huge company that is about to launch a new feature on their appliances that will basically put your whole kitchen online. Specifically I remember the example of your fridge knowing that you're low on milk and eggs, sending an order to the market and having the items delivered without you even being involved. People onscreen cheered and I imagined that someone in the theatre who had brought their kids was probably angrily texting others in their department at Frigidaire wanting to know who spilled the beans on their Top Secret project.

So there I was, trying to get the kids on their way to school, finishing dishes and contemplating a society that has no desire to experience anything that they don't have to. (I'm a great multitasker.) See, lately my life has gotten busy. I keep thinking that the kids have been in school for just a couple of weeks and the truth is that it has been a month and that this level of busy is the new norm. I'm not a fan of busy. My kids are not in sports yet but Hubby and I have already decided that our super athletic daughter will not be allowed more than one sport plus one club at a time. Family dinner will be mandatory unless there is a good reason. Why? Because super busy all the time is not a life, it's a schedule. I don't want to live my life trapped in a demanding schedule that makes life miserable and hope to raise children that don't either.

I want to live a life where I can always find time to go to do the grocery shopping. When I go to the grocery store I do it in a timely manner but don't run. Well, occasionally I run, but the norm is a reasonably paced meander. I like looking at the produce section and all of the colors. If I'm buying paper towels I look for the coolest pattern and tissues need to be in boxes that coordinate with the room or are fun to look at. These little touches make life more fun and brings a bit of happy to household jobs. I notice when my paper towel has Peanuts characters on it and it makes doing windows a little less boring.

My favorite is finding new products in a store and trying any that look cool. Weird salsas, exotic fruits and different kinds of chips are just waiting to be found. If I just run in and shop the list then I miss the experience of being surrounded by variety and choice. Why would I want technology to take that away? Don't get me wrong, I love technology in many ways. But I draw that line at having it take away the experience of everyday life. I hope to never sacrifice the mundane in exchange for a chance to be more busy.

I like my non-sentient refrigerator and hope to keep it that way.

The 5 page contest.

2009-09-22T10:35:00.000-07:00

Awhile ago I wrote a story for a contest that challenged you to a full story in 5 pages. I wrote this one and then never sent it in. Silly me, but I still have issues with people reading my work. Eventually I'll get over it, but for now it's still nerve wracking.

Since I didn't send it in and it's just collecting virtual dust in a file on my laptop, I thought I'd post it here. Enjoy!

Fun with a Big Black Dog.

Matt exited the elevator into the damp cool of the parking deck. Irritated that he had been forced to work late again, he stalked toward his lonely car. Heaving a sigh, he tried to will himself into a better mood. His wife, Julia, told him that she had news for him tonight. After eleven months of trying he hoped that she would tell him that she was pregnant.

Lost in his thoughts and keeping his eyes on the ground to see the parking space numbers, he was startled when a pair of large black dog feet came into view. An animal lover by nature, he lifted his head with a smile and quickly froze. Whatever was in front of him was definately not an innocent dog. Black with grey tips on the fur of the back and head, it was beautiful. The yellow eyes, though. Those eyes were not the eyes of any dog they he had ever seen, they reguarded him with too much intent.

Still frozen, Matt thought about what he should do next. Running seemed like a bad idea, the creature looked like it would take him down in three steps easy. Backing away slowly seemed like a decent idea, but he didn’t want to draw it’s attention more than he already had. He was going to go with staying still and hoping it got bored.

The creature and the man reguarded eachother for a long time. Matt found that the longer he looked at it, the more he was struck by the beauty of it. The fur looked soft and well groomed, the eyes were definately intelligent but lacked the coldness he had first imagined. He was surprised to find that his once frozen stance of holding his key out to open the car had relaxed. Instead, he was standing with his hand in his pocket and his briefcase tucked under his arm. Maybe the creature was actually one of those wolf hybrids that he had read about. It certainly was built like a wolf, just a big one. There was something about the casual unthreatened way that it sat that made Matt certain that it was comfortable around humans. So, probably not wild then.

Abruptly the wolf...dog...whatever, yawned and stood to come padding over to him. Giving his hand a sniff, it brushed against his leg and then turned and sat next to him. Leaning on his leg, it stared at the car and then up at him. If Matt didn’t know better he would say that it wanted a ride.

Slowly, trying to think nonthreatening thoughts, he reached down and gently pet the large head. He snatched his hand back as the head snapped up to glare at him. For a second, the eyes narrowed, looking oddly insulted. Then the mouth opened in a huge toothy grin and the tongue rolled out to the side in a classic happy dog look. Confused, Matt slowly reached down again and this time was rewarded with a small lick. Scratching behind the ears got him a deep contented groan and a rubbing of the neck confirmed his suspicion that there was no collar.

The big lug was lost, maybe a runaway. It needed a place to stay, the parking garage was no place for it. It was too late to call Animal Control, not that he would. They would take one look at this guy and put him down for being a wolf. There was no one else in the garage. He yelled out just in case and the dog growled, the rumble vibrating and carrying almost more than his yell.

The only good solution seemed to be taking it home and putting up flyers and checking the pound to see if anyone had called for it. He wasn’t sure if he was comfortable about the idea of being in a car with it though, it seemed a little grumpy. What if it didn’t want to get in the car or ate the seats? Well, it could eat the seats for all he cared, the car was a beater anyway. Working non-profit did not bring in the big bucks.

Seeing no other way to find out, he unlocked the car and opened the door. Holding it open and moving to the side, he turned to invite the dog in. Cool, dark fur brushed by him as it settled into the passenger seat and stared at him expectantly.

“Well then, I guess someone likes going for rides”, he muttered. Turning to the dog he smiled and kept his hands on the steering wheel. “I can’t reach to your door to roll the window down and the air conditioning has never worked in this. Sorry. Please don’t get cranky if you get hot. Thanks.”

Matt started the car, backed out of his spot and began driving the descending ramps to exit. By the time he reached the street the dog’s head and right paw were laying heavily in his lap. He dropped his hand with a small smile and ran his fingers through thick fur as he drove.

When Matt got home he was relieved to see that Julia’s car was in the driveway. She didn’t like most animals, but large dogs always settled down around her. His brother Jake’s cranky German Shepherd always laid quietly by her feet the entire time they visited. It was amazing what she could do and he hoped that her presence would make the night easier for everyone.

“Well boy, we’re home.”

The dog sat up and growled at him again.

“What?”

Standing up to shake out it’s fur, the dog took up the entire interior of his small car. His head forced back against the head rest at the 200 pounds of fur pushing on him, Matt hoped that this was not going to turn into a teeth and band aid moment.

Ducking his head a little as the dog pushed it’s shoulder harder into his head, Matt saw that certain parts were missing if this was a male. This ginormous dog that was attempting to smother him was a girl.

“Good girl! Sit, Girl! Sit down, Girl!”

Immediately the dog sat.

“Are you serious? You were insulted because I called you a boy? You have got to be the smartest dog that I have ever met. Or the weirdest.”

The dog opened it’s mouth and began panting happily.

With a laugh, Matt opened the door and got out. The dog walked right by him and began walking straight up to the door. He called after it, “Boy dogs can be pretty too, you know! There’s not need to be so defensive!”

As he walked up to the door Matt hoped that this little interupption in the evening didn’t upset Julia. He knew that she had seemed tense about tonight and he didn't want to make it worse. If they were pregnant she had to know that he would be happy. Their relationship was great, there shouldn’t be any upsetting announcements reguarding that. Whatever it was, they would get through it together. They always did.

He opened the door and walked in with the dog’s body pushing his leg. “Hi, Baby! Don’t be alarmed, I brought home a big black dog!” He turned to the dog and smiled. “Don’t worry, she’ll love you. I just want to avoid screaming since there isn’t usually a small mountain of black fur in the foyer.”

Tilting it’s head the dog reguarded him solemnly.

Matt realized that he hadn’t heard any response from his wife and called out again. Still nothing. He didn’t want to leave the dog in the foyer in case she hadn’t heard him and panicked if she found it.

Well, the dog had been incredibly smart so far. “Come one, let’s go find her. Heel.”

Another growl. Great, a large touchy dog that he didn’t know in his house with his possibly pregnant wife. Matt reflected on the fact that he would more than likely be a good candidate for this year’s Darwin Award.

Giving up, he started to walk toward the kitchen in the back. The dog blocked his way and stared up at him with those yellow eyes. Serious, so serious.

Matt kept trying to walk around and the dog kept cutting him off until a tangle of fur and legs landed on the floor. Laying flat and feeling bruised, he didn’t know if he should laugh or cry. All day he had thought of Julia and what tonight would be like. Then he worked late and met this damn dog and now he didn’t even know if she was home. Closing his eyes, he softly beat his head on the floor under him.

A wet nose snuffled his ear. He pushed it away. It snuffled his chin. He pushed it away. A tongue began licking his entire face and he couldn’t help but grin. This huge suffocating blanket of a dog was licking him like an eager puppy. He felt the tension drain out of him and he gently pushed on the dog’s chest so that he could sit up.

Matt sat on the floor and leaned his head back. In his best melodramatic wail he yelled, “Juuuliaaaaa!” It was a long standing joke from their dating days and could be heard through the whole house.

The dog let out a surprisingly high pitchid yip. Matt looked over at it and it stood up with a large doggy grin. It walked until it was directly in front of him and sobered. Yellow eyes held his and he heard a soft whine.

Something changed. Matt looked up to see if a light had come on because the dog looked lighter. But the lights were the same, it was the dog that was different. The fur was receding, melting back into the skin.

Gasping, he scrambled back until his back hit the door and watched as the snout shortened. Paws distorted and fingers appeared. The tail shrank until it was gone, the hind end forming into human legs. When the fur was completely gone, hair grew down from the top of the shifting head.

The face was the last thing to finish. A nose pushing through flatness, nostril reshaping. Yellow eyes bleeding into a chocolate brown with gold flecks.

Eyes that he had fallen in love with five years ago.

Slowly, eyes never leaving his, Julie stood before him. Naked and proud, the tilt of her chin told him what she was thinking. She was daring him to be disgusted or angry. To reject her for what she was. As if rejecting her was even a possibility, she was too much a part of him for that.

He had no problem with what she was. He had fallen in love with a strong, beutiful woman. Who, as it happens, is also a strong, beautiful wolf. It was an unusual package deal, but he would always take her any way that she came. He loved her, he had always loved her and he always would.

He stood and met her eyes. “Why in the world did you hide that for five years?”

Brown eyes flicked to the side before meeting his again. “I didn’t want to lose you.”

Matt smiled. She always hated talking about feelings. Winning her heart had taken some serious creativity. Then one day he had figured out that actions are everything to her.

He stomped over to her with mock sternness and swept her into his arms. She was almost as tall as he was, but he still picked her up easily and walked her to the bedroom. As he laid her on the bed, he whispered, “Don’t ever lie to me again.”

“Never.”

A long time later they laid in the bed, drowsy and satisfied. Julia rested her head on his chest and traced the edges of a celtic tattoo that circled his arm. She lifted her head with a lazy smile. "That wasn’t all of the news I wanted to tell you.”

He looked down at her. “No?”

She shook her head and her smile grew.

“No. The news is that....I’m pregnant.”

The curse of the white screen.

2009-09-18T06:58:00.000-07:00

I am really happy to be finding my groove this week. This was the first full week of school for both kids and so the first example of what my life will be for the next 9 months or so. I like the rhythm of it. There is plenty of time to run errands, take care of the house, write and still get to work without being late. I am chronically late everywhere I go, I have no concept of the passage of time!

The only issue that I have had is that I would sit down to write and all of the swirling tornadoes of words and stories would disappear and leave me with a blinking cursor on a white screen. Luckily, I have been putting my non-writing time to good use and reading lots of things on creativity, writing and building a career as an author. So I took a piece of advice and looked through old files of stuff that I had written a chapter or page of and got lost in one. I had forgotten that I had written it, loved what I read and then kept going. It was cathartic because I felt like a loser with my blank screen but discovered that I had written the beginning to a rather kick ass story. Go me!

One of the things that struck me was that I could feel that I had written this character from a moment of screaming frustration. I didn't plan her or ask myself questions, I just pictured this apologetically bad ass warrior of a woman and started writing. You can see the fact that I got caught up in the story and probably growled at anyone that tried to stop me from typing. All of my best writing is like that. The thing that I try to be aware of and train myself for is that not every story will come to me that way. I am painfully aware of my newbie status and hope to build the discipline and skills as a writer to craft a story even if it doesn't carry me away in a storm of awesomeness. I don't want to burn out or give this up when it's not fun anymore. So I have stored up a mental database of things to keep me writing and have become a big fan of BICHOK. It's a very good starting point.

So I am off to write about a werewolf and his tree sprite. Or maybe a pink haired warrior woman. Whatever it is, I'm already Butt In Chair Hands On Keyboard, so it's time to rock a story!

In the queue...

2009-09-14T10:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I have finally finished switching offices with the hubby. My crafting and sewing is still in the attic but he now inhabits the little office nook. I had been so excited about it until I tried to write in it. Turns out I don't like to be boxed in and I especially don't like looking at a wall. I need windows and light, lots of it.

Hubby is a pack rat when it comes to offices so the transition took awhile. But now I have my space and look forward to using it. In that vein, I have been making plans for the blog through the second half of the month.

First of all, I am working on reading an electronic ARC (Advanced Reader Copy - that means the book hasn't hit the shelves yet) of Lynn Viehl's new book Shadowlight, expect a review when I'm done. Also, there will be a review of The Fire King by Marjorie M Liu. That book is already out but I'm hoping that as I do more reviews I will eventually be able to get more ARCs. Lastly, I will be posting short stories and/or chapters on Scribd. An excerpt will be posted here on the blog along with the info to get the entire story.

I'm looking forward to rounding out the blog and beginning to work with Scribd. Eventually I'll add interviews but I think that my plate is pretty full for now. If anyone has any other suggestions of things that you would like to see here on the ol' blog, just leave a message in the comments and let me know. I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Enjoy the picture of me being happy in my new office digs! : )

Book Review: Hunting Ground by Patricia Briggs A-

2009-09-09T06:47:00.000-07:00

First of all, let me be clear - I love the Mercy Thompson Series. I love it so much that I own all four books and have read them all several times. I also have On The Prowl simply because I wanted the short story involving Charles and Anna, and am a huge fan of the first Alpha and Omega book Cry Wolf. Love them all!

So I am afraid that my review might be not quite as objective as I would like. Seeing weakness in any book in a series that you love is like seeing a flaw in your child. You know it's there and make a note to help them learn better but are loathe to point it out to someone else.

Lucky for me, Ms. Briggs did not disappoint. I enjoyed this book immensely from beginning to end. One of the best things is seeing the evolution of her characters and the fact that she lets us into their heads so well. Anna is deliciously self aware and Charles is amazingly astute and tender. They make such a wonderful and complimentary couple that I find myself judging the relationships in other books against them. Not that every other couple should function the same, but do they fit like puzzle pieces even when clashing? Is the connection alive and vibrant on every page like it is here?

I think that one of the biggest strengths that Ms. Briggs has is that she writes three dimensional characters with three dimensional relationships. In a market where the sex scenes are hotter, wilder and more deviant she writes around them and still makes the reader happy. If there were explicit sex scenes in the Mercy Thompson novels or Alpha and Omega it would feel like she were not respecting her characters. I am happy to give them their privacy. How great does the writing have to be for a reader to want to respect the privacy of a fictional character? That alone is testament to her writing prowess.

Let's talk a little more about the book Hunting Ground. In the story Anna and Charles travel to attend a summit in which the North American werewolves will tell the rest of the world's wolves that they plan on coming out to the public and listen to their concerns. Power plays abound and Anna, who is a rare Omega and still learning what that means, draws a lot of attention. Vampires attack using pack magic and people are murdered. Suspicions turn to Charles and they need to work together to find the real bad guy.

It's an action packed story and more than deserves the A- that I gave it. Why an A- and not an A+? Well, it's mostly the dropping of a subplot. Some people are introduced in disturbing detail at the beginning of the book and then are alluded to later but with no real satisfaction. Maybe their story will be picked up in the next book, but I don't enjoy an entire chapter getting me intrigued in a very specific way and then never resolving it. Or at least bringing them up again one more time so that I know she didn't forget. I can't be more specific without adding spoilers, but that was my main issue.

Overall, I think that this is a book to add to the collection on your book shelf. If you don't have the previous books, buy those when your at the bookstore as well. Trust me, you'll want to have the whole series so that you can pick up one of the books and pop into the world anytime you want!

Changes are a-comin'.

2009-08-22T06:02:00.000-07:00

Only one of my children starts school this Wednesday, he is in fourth grade and switching to the upper elementary. It's so weird to have a kid that's almost ten, you would think I'm approaching my mid-thirties or something. My other little nugget of joy is starting Kindergarten and so there is a two hour walk through for half of the kids on Wednesday, nothing for us on Thursday and, finally, the real deal on Friday. The thrill and painful nostalgia of putting my current youngest in school is an awesome thing. As a mother I am proud though a bit wistful that my baby is growing up. Add in the adoption aspect and I actually have occasional moments of anger because I missed the first two years and now she is moving on already. Luckily, she is an intelligent and confidant little thing and she is going to rule that school.

There is another part of me though, a part that has been restlessly sleeping these past three months. It surfaces occasionally to work on a plot idea or to analyze a book that I am enjoying but rests again before too much frustration can set in. I've encouraged the partial hibernation and it payed off because I had that much more mental energy to use keeping two energetic kids busy. As an unbelievable result my kids have reached the end of a summer spent with no pool passes, not one amusement park visit, no vacation and no sport teams without hating and killing each other. If you don't have kids you might not understand, but trust me - it's a major feat.

Anyway, the sleeping behemoth is now sitting on the edge of it's bed and and rubbing it's eyes. Taking a big ol' stretch and already listing off all of the things that it's been saving up for me. Plot points, blog stuff, interview ideas, crafting projects and all other manor of things that I have had to give up. It's safe to say that I will go insane if I don't write it all down, make priorities and a plan. To do this I am going to start carrying a small journal. For most writers it's an established habit, the fact that I don't probably makes them doubt my writerliness. But I always have story stuff playing in the back of my head and have worked well so far with the idea that if it's a really good point then it will stick with me. Now, I have to organize more than just a plot. For the first time I am see platform building as a major part of my success as an author and I am putting a lot of thought in to how to go about it. It's a new one to me, but Lyn Veihl has been very clear about so much of it that I feel like I have a starting point. As a matter of fact, I think that I will try to review her latest book for my blog as one of the new things that I will be adding.

So there you have it, my friends. Changes are coming. I will doubtlessly change my template but I might even move the whole deal to another site that allows for more layout options. I definitely plan on opening up my little world in her with reviews, interviews and such. So give me until Friday and then the fun will begin. I can't wait!

I love a good mentor!

2009-08-17T06:08:00.000-07:00

This morning I went over to the wonderful Genreality website and read two posts that were really good for me. First of all Lyn Viehl wrote about a person's choice to tear down other writers vs. mentoring and passing on hope and wisdom. It doesn't really apply to me right now but it was great to see an established writer tell other established writers that mentoring is important. It made me feel hopeful just to read it.

In my opinion, even if the wonderful breakfast that I had with Marjorie M. Liu (whose blog is here) is the only personal interaction that I have with established authors, then I consider myself blessed. For the most part I think of reading a really good book two or more times to be a kind of silent mentoring. The first read is for my entertainment. If I want to read it again in a relatively short period of time then it must have some quality that sets it apart and I look for it and absorb. Lately I have been reading all of Patricia Briggs Mercy Thompson novels again. I just can't get over her writing. For many writers they seem to feel that in order to be "real" or have "heart" that they need to be graphic and shocking. Shocking happens in Mercy's world, she is raped, but even that is handled in a way that makes you feel all of the gut wrenching stuff without needing to take a shower because you were offered too much. Even sex is handled expertly. By the time her characters end up in bed, in book four for Mercy, you are glad that the scene is not explicit because you care for the characters enough to want them to have a bit of unspoken intimacy. You respect them.

I find that her writing and the writing of Marjorie is so educational but also incredibly intimidating. How in the world will I ever write that well? Answer - by writing. Most authors have years of notebooks and computer files full of stories and poems. Not me. I loved writing in high school but then I was in college and working and whatnot. There has always been a running newsfeed of stories in my head but I haven't taken the time to write them down. I was too busy and if I sat down it was to read, not write. So now I am still transitioning to being an author/reader instead of just a reader. I feel like it's comparable to becoming a teacher/student instead of just sitting passively in class.

The good part of spending so many years reading without putting it to paper is that I have sat under so many great teachers that my first efforts are much better for it. I write in novel format because my brain has been trained to do so. My issues so far are expanding on dialogue and rounding out the world. I have a stage with main characters and they say what they need, they even have real personality. What I need to work on are adding minor characters, maybe a subplot and adding more texture to the environment without wandering or having boring spots.

Maybe that's why I was drawn to Patricia Briggs, she has that stuff down cold. Someday I'll get to meet her and tell her what she taught me. Hopefully by then, I'll be a full fledged author and not just a fangirl with dreams. : )

One last thing, I only covered one blog post here. There was another post that rocked and I will go into it next time, so tune in again!

14 more days till brain liberation.

2009-08-13T05:35:00.000-07:00

I'm not one of those women who basically hates their kids and turns complaining about home life into a hobby, but I am really looking forward to school starting. This summer had only one half day camp for my son and that ended four weeks ago. So I've been entertaining two kids on a limited budget for basically the whole summer. No pool passes or anything, just playgrounds, crafts and zoos. It's not a bad thing because it's helped to build strong relationships with family members while the kids are young which is priceless.

But I am tired. Tired and a bit bored which means it's difficult to engage the kids. They respond to enthusiasm and mine is waning. Also, I've have had to put my writing and crafting away for the summer and I miss them. I miss having moments in my day where I am not listening for, entertaining or taking care of any child. Hours when I am doing my work guilt free. Hopefully, I will be payed for my work by next summer and these guys will both spend part of the day at a camp while I work. I think that I will be less bored by the end of summer if I can have a schedule and regular work breaks.

This summer though, will always be a good one in my mind. We have always been a loving family that gets along with each other, but we are human. Now that summer is ending the kids are a little more likely to be frustrated and bored, meaning there is more fussing and fights. Learning to control your actions even when you feel upset has been a major source of discussion in time outs. What an opportunity to teach that important lesson early in life! I know some adults that need to learn it and I am glad to say that I have seen the kids make lots of progress.

So, not a bad summer just a long one. One that was not about me. But like I have been teaching the kids - It's not always about you!

*Enjoy the picture of the kids having fun in a very large and very free box that dominated the living room for many days.*

That damn quilt just means so much.

2009-08-11T05:06:00.000-07:00

Here is a little quilt that I made about seven years ago completely by hand. I made it with friends and it took forever because I spent more time talking and eating than sewing most weeks. We were learning the art of quilting from a very patient woman who watched us all take months to complete what should have been weekend projects. Actually, I had been helping my grandmother sew quilts from the time I could hold a needle, but I decided to play it dumb since no one else knew a single thing about it. It's little and it's well made, cute and sweet.

I like it on some levels. It's earth tones and I designed the pattern myself. But looking at it is as powerful as looking at a photo to me. Not only is my home decor not really quiltish but I can't hang it because I feel like I would be hanging a diary page. No one else would see it, of course, but I can't bear the thought of displaying what is so intensely personal.

When I look at these four little squares I see the events going on in my life at the time that I made it. What a year that was. Hubby lost his job and his dad lost his fight with cancer. My son was diagnosed with autism, and we left the church that we had attended for years. We had met and married at that church. It was not a bad place but I found that after I graduated college I couldn't fit in with the adults. I guess you were supposed to give up those quaint little adolescent efforts at being yourself and conform.

I am soooo bad at conforming.

It wasn't until a year later that we struggled with our infertility issues but for some reason I see that in the fabric too. That doesn't mean that I see it and feel sad. Actually I see those warm colors and feel like a war veteran. I feel like anyone looking at that quilt would need me to lay out all of the events behind it so that they would understand the significance of it. Everyone would need to know that I survived that year and those events and still made something beautiful.

Quilts are personal things, I have always heard. In the past they were often made from old clothes and had history from that. There are prayer quilts and heritage quilts, quilts that commemorate events. They take a long time to make and they tell a story from your point of view. It will rarely mean more to anyone else than it does to the actual maker and everyone reads the story a different way. People admire the colors, the patterns and general craftsmanship, flaws are even sought out because they bring humanity to fabric. If the quilter chooses they can tell the back story, but even that changes with memory. That I think, makes quilts very unique. What other kind of art form can do all of that and still be carried around by a child, warm you on the couch, be used by the pets or decorate your bed.

There is another art form that I admire and strive to learn. You can carry it anywhere, to the beach, the theater or restaurant. Kids can have it, barring adult cover or content. They can be about pets and their care or adventure or romance or anything else that can be thought of. If there is a quilt warming you on the couch they are an excellent accompaniment. They even do well in a relaxing bath if you have good hands and won't drop it. Books have colors and craftsmanship, patterns and flaws. They have back stories that only the author knows. Everyone reads a story and plays it in their head through their own unique filter. They are admired and criticized, displayed and collected.

Both make a home and both have their own way of carrying history. Long and involved to craft, they require hours and days and months of care. I wonder if there are ever conferences that get quilters and authors together. Probably not, unless it is an author that has written about quilts. But maybe there should be. I'd bet they have lots in common.

Finding happy...

2009-07-29T10:12:00.000-07:00

I was surprised to find that it had been so long since my last post. Summer is in full swing and when I'm not busy, I'm recovering. A couple of times I went out to write for an hour or so and found that I just couldn't settle down enough to do it. My brain is full of plans, guilt over stuff that I have put off, school supply lists, clothing inventory for the kids and grocery lists.

But underneath it all is my story.

It would actually be nice if I could mentally put the story away for awhile, it's a little tiring to never have mental silence. But this is a story that must be told, must be written. She won't let me go no matter how hard I try. Four times now I have written first chapters and it's never right. She shakes her head and mutters that she isn't a Mary Jane that learns who she is only after death. Also, she may not be from 1956. Now she whispers of Tesla and crazy scientists, of the best deaths for a zombie to consume and why. Also, we talk about love. Who loves a zombie? Why would a zombie bother with love? What about the physicality of love? I'm not all sure yet. Well, I am sure of one thing - she absolutely will not let me get this wrong. Her story will be told her way and she is willing to wait until the kids are in school and I have the proper amount of time to devote to her.

But she won't wait silently. That would be too easy....

I really hate doing what everyone else does....

2009-07-21T10:39:00.001-07:00

Waiting to hear back from publishers, editors and agents is tedious business. I haven't had a lot of opportunity to write so I've been reading. A few books, none of them worth mentioning other than I will never pick up another book by LKH again. There has also been the online conference Left Behind and Loving It hosted by Lynn Viehl. As usual, I found that reading everyone's opinion on what I should be doing was old after awhile. I hate that. Even if people aren't telling me that I need to do it that way I start to feel like they are and get all upset. It's important for me to pace myself in these things - my insecurities end up projecting onto other people and I feel judged. (Hey, at least I know that it's an issue!)

Anyway, I was intrigued by the idea of self-publishing ebooks. I might be trying to sell specific novel length stories, but short stories take less time to write and until I'm more popular no one wants them. If I self publish for a couple of bucks per download - maybe that will help bridge this incredibly huge gap. I think that's what I'm going to do. Why not? Most authors seem to publish print books or self publish. A few offer free ebooks to readers, but they usually have print books that they want to hook you for. So, I plan to shop the novels to editors and agents while self-publishing the short stories and then maybe offering them for free after I have published a few print books. It just seems more proactive. Plus I feel like the publishing business is being shook up and I want to take the opportunity to walk my own path.

I just really hate doing what everyone else does. : )

Where it's at...it's got supercool links and no sign on fees. (Sorry, Beck!)

2009-07-16T12:47:00.000-07:00

This week is all about survival for me. I'm a volunteer in the Vacation Bible School at our church. Not my natural element, so my stress levels inch higher by the day. Also, finances are getting closer to the critical point. Put it all together and I am not always a ray of sunshine!

But one bright spot for me is the Left Behind and Loving It online conference hosted by the lovely Lynn Viehl. It gives me lots of ideas and a bit of hope for my writing career. I had originally planned on submitting something but that was before my friends tapped me for VBS. There's always the weekend, so you never know. Stranger things have happened.

Check it out if you have a minute. But be warned- there are lots of interesting posts for you to read and your minute will likely turn into an hour or more. : )

Today's picture is brought to you by my twisted sense of humor. Enjoy!

Good stories are in the eye of the beholder.

2009-07-09T18:56:00.000-07:00

Right now I am reading the newest book in a long standing series. So far, it's a good read. That's a huge relief because for the last seven books or so it has been hit or miss. The main character went from beautiful but tough, with a huge temper and a sense of morals to a woman with eight boyfriends. The author, of course, has made a case for her decline in morality and her expanded views on what love is and what sex means. Those last seven books have suffered from the author's attempts to convince herself and readers that it's okay and that no one should judge her character harshly. I got really tired of skimming and skipping sections. Some I didn't even bother to finish.

My question is if the writer were so uncomfortable with the sleeping arrangements that she was creating, why create them? If it bothered her enough that she was going to spend entire books on the emotional upheaval that goes with it, why write it? The last book published in this series was a non-book in my opinion. Nothing happened. A huge hardback book with no discernable plot, I kid you not. It is amazing to me that the author was satisfied with it, the editor liked it enough to print it and the general public bought tons of copies. It's the power of a famous name, but even that should only get you so far. (I do however concede that many readers come to this series for the paranormal sex and the last seven books have been a treat to them. No plot? Who cares when there are several people rolling in a bed in with most of them in some kind of were-animal form.)

I have talked to others that have stopped liking the series but borrow it from the library to see if the old magic is back. That's what I do. I would never pay money for one of her books anymore. This time, however the magic is back. Hopefully the author will realize that this is what her readers want, not a spanish soap opera. I mean, a good story is always in the eye of the reader, but at least give me a reason to read. Action, intrigue, characters that I actually like. If I want to read emotional drama I'll pick up a Jodi Picoult novel. Nothing wrong with books like that, but if I buy from the Horror section there should be some actual excitement and scary stuff in it.

Anyway, I hope to never fall into this trap. It's never a good idea to write for money without a love and enjoyment of the process. I want to like what I write at the end of the day and it is important that I do. However, I hope to never think so much of myself that I begin to work out personal issues and fantasies on paper and just assume that people should and will buy it because my name is on it. I find it to be almost insulting when an author does that. Not pushing the boundaries so much as going off in left field and staying there and expecting someone to build a concession stand next to them. Arrogant.

But then again, we'll see how arrogant I am when I've been writing for 20 years. I'm sure that I'll spend my time in left field. Hopefully someone will yell out to me to walk my tired old butt back to the game.

Happier times means better writing for me.

2009-07-08T05:35:00.000-07:00

As it turns out I am not one of those writers that needs to be wallowing in the depths of despair to write. I mean, life has it's challenges and stresses, but writing is not my escape when the going gets tough. No, when the going gets tough I bury my head in a book and get cranky with anyone silly enough to interrupt me. Turns out, I write when I'm feeling pretty good. I don't need extreme gut-busting happiness, but at least even keel average.

This is important stuff to know as a writer. Everyone works differently and it's good to know that if I'm feeling crazy with stress then I need to settle down before starring at a blank screen. Blank screens are an opportunity when I'm doing well and a source of tears when I'm letting life get to me.

Sunday and yesterday I played with my family. My hubby, who has been working non-stop for weeks, took a day off to go to the Toledo zoo with us on Sunday. We were all a bit tired but it was tons of fun. Yesterday was even better because it was so routine - well, routine for an average summer, not one like we've been having. Last night after dinner we all hung out in the back yard. The kids rode bikes and played with the dog, I weeded and talked with the hubby. Life was so, so sweet.

Moments like that are magic. They are magic for family bonding, memories, raising good kids and, apparently, busting out of writer's block. This morning my brain feels clearer, like stories are beginning to poke their heads out. It's a glorious feeling. I plan on setting my kids up with movies and writing as much as I can just for the pure joy of it today. Maybe that's the secret, joy begets joy. All I know is, I feel good and I'm going to write about it!

A dry spell.

2009-07-06T12:23:00.000-07:00

I'm still waiting to hear back from anyone about my book. That's normal, I suppose, but the unrealistic dream of having a frantic editor call begging me to sign a contract has died. At best, they see that I can tell a story and are deciding if it's worth the trouble to help me pump up my story and the word count. More likely I'll soon get a nice letter saying that they wouldn't mind seeing my work again but that their minimum word count is greater than my tiny 28,000.

I will not get sad over a rejection that hasn't happened yet! It's tempting, as the days go by it is very tempting to give it up. But this is what I want to do. Lucky me, I have picked a job that's tough on the ol' self confidence. Huzzah!

The problem is that the longer I wait - and it hasn't even been an unusually long time, I'm just impatient - the more trouble I have writing. The overflowing well with stories vying for attention has dried up and I can't get a single word down. This post has taken forever and I had to start over once! See what I'm saying?

It's upsetting, but it's not like I have a lot of time to devote to it anyway. Besides, now I have decided to take some classes on grant writing. That way, I can write for money before I write for money.

I should just plain set the idea in my mind that I will do no creative writing until after August when the kids are in school. That's a depressing idea to me though. I really love writing. I love being swept up in a story and typing so hard that my fingers ache because I'm trying to get so much down so fast. I love having a world that I created that welcomes me back and shows me things. I miss it. I am not enjoying this dry spell but I will enjoy the ride even more when the rains fall again. I will throw my head back, open my mouth and take it all in with a laugh.

Asking for free babysitting, free money and other humbling things.

2009-06-29T08:39:00.000-07:00

I am applying for a writing grant. It's funny, if anyone were to tell me that they had been given a grant I would think that was very cool. Medical research, social and cultural groups and artsy people get those. Nice for them. But when I decide to apply - No Way! I haven't produced a product for which I am getting paid! How lazy am I that I want free money to do what I love. It's for love of books and telling a good story that I do this. Right?

Well love don't pay the bills, my friend.

So I got used to the idea and realized that in a couple of months when the kids go back to school I will probably need to get a job. I'm not against that, but even if it were a part time job I would spend any extra time volunteering with the kids school, being class hepler whatnot. (Hey, they're only this little once!) I would be tired and low on time and writing would be the first casualty. That is still what might happen. But if I get a grant, then I can stay home and write. Volunteering an hour or two once or twice a week would be a nice break and my writing time per day would increase by hours. Oh, bliss!

Sadly, by the time I came to terms with all of this I only had two days to get the request in. Bummer! To sit and write something that is so important to me is an emotional thing and I knew that I could not have the kids around. I would not be nice if they interrupted because my nerves would be up. I needed babysitting.

Free babysitting. (I'm poor, remember?)

So my nicey nice parents are watching kid #2 and my super busy hubby will pick up kid #1 in ten minutes so that I can sit in Starbucks and write. It's difficult to strike a balance between giving the reasons that you feel you deserve a grant and yet not sound whiney. I would imagine that tear stains are a no-no. Too bad, I could have given some this morning when I held a long to do list in my hand and checked the grant deadline. Once again, most of the list will wait. But that's alright. We are very good at digging our clothes out of laundry baskets and wearing sandals if there are no clean socks. See, what I am doing is teaching college level life skills to my children. Someday, when they are eating mac and cheese for the third time in one week in a tiny apartment, they will be thankful that mom taught them to add frozen peas. Nutrition. I teach it all.

I have found her!

2009-06-28T15:31:00.001-07:00

Okay, I have hammered out the basic plot and beginning of my next story. I won't give details, but it's about a zombie girl and her quest to find love and live flesh in the modern world.

I was having problems with the story veering into horror instead of just dark but fun, it was seriously frustrating. So I decided to find pics of the girl, the guy and maybe a few other characters, then make a playlist from itunes. I haven't used pictures before, but having a playlist was reeeeally helpful when I wrote Elemental. I never wrote a word without the playlist going to keep me solid in tone. I haven't decided what should be on a zombie romance playlist, but I do know that it will more than likely solve my problem.

Actually, I like the pictures so much that I think I'll find some for Elemental to help with the revisions. I am so visual, I don't know how I didn't think of this earlier!

Anyway, here she is...Mary Jane Baker. Yes, the Mary Jane part is intentional. No one wants their character to be a Mary Jane, they're helpless victims and are always waiting to be saved. But that's how she became a zombie - waiting for a hero. Maybe as an undead she can learn to be her own. We'll see...

Using the green eyed monster

2009-06-26T07:16:00.000-07:00

I have a huge case of the Big Green Ugly. It's not pretty and I'm not proud of it, but I do intend to use it.

My friend is doing reeeally well with her writing. She has earned it, she works her butt off for it and is very talented. But I am stuck in Mommy Summer Schedule and can't hardly find the time to blog a short post let alone write. It's an excuse, but a legitimate one. You need to write to grow and progress, kids need care and attention. These two things are a difficult mix when school is out. In later years, it will be easier to just take the summer off or make sure that I have a very light work load. But for right now, when I am trying to establish myself - torture. I keep thinking, "We could afford the new swing set if Mommy sold a book which will never happen if I never have time to write!"

Oh well, I can't really change any of this right now. But I can turn my jealousy into motivation and planning. That way, when the kids go to school in the fall I will be ready to work. Full of writing mojo and enthusiasm, I will succeed!

Unless the money is tight and I need to find a paying job.... Poop.

Welcome to The Waiting Game!

2009-06-20T10:06:00.000-07:00

Thank you for joining us today ooooon.....The Waiting Game! Here's your host - Conan O'Brien! *Roar of crowd* *Applause* And tonight's guest until she hears back about her book.....Rose Gott! Isn't she lovely? And witty, too! Aaaalso joining us tonight, simply so Rose can sit next to him and giggle.....Hugh Jackman!

Oh man, wouldn't waiting be so much cooler if it was anything at all like that? Hanging with Andy Richter and Conan, cracking jokes about the band and showing 8 second clips from movies with no explanation. Nice. Hopefully one of the zoo people would show up with animals. In my world, it would be one of those times when the animals run amuck and everyone is trying to not look alarmed. Fun on a bun, my friends!

Life, however, is not quite that generous or fun on an average day. Waiting is a relatively solitary endeavor and there is almost never a band. I should know, I am one of the Queens of Waiting. Three years ago I waiting 18 months for my daughter's adoption to clear the Haitian government. There have, of course, been many other things that I have waited for- my cancer diagnosis and such. But the adoption was a marathon wait that put me in the major leagues.

What am I waiting for? Word about my book. I've sent it to two editors and one agent. Now, I wait. But one thing that I have learned about waiting is that it is rarely a static thing. You keep going and doing while you wait. This is why I am about to start on another story. I know that my first will need more editing and added chapters, but right now it's a source of stress. Pulling up the files on it is a sure way to stop all creative flow because it brings up screaming questions. Will they like it? How long will I have to wait until I hear back? Will it be published? Will they see my potential as a storyteller or be stuck on the relatively small word count? Then I move onto the really stupid questions. Should I use a pen name? How long until my first book signing? When will I be at ComicCon? Will I ever meet Joss Whedon and will he be a fan?

See what I'm saying?

That's why I'm moving on today. I don't even think that I'll start on the next book I have planned with the same characters. Nope, I have a nice zombie romance to flesh out. (Pun intended.) It makes the idea of writing fun again, whereas the stress of trying to get a story noticed can suck it dry. My plan is to write what makes me laugh and get excited, then let the fun be tempered by the business end of it. Maybe that's naive, but I want writing to be my job, a career that I choose because I love it as much as I did teching. I don't want to burn out until I have been to ComicCon, slapped palms with Nathan Fillion and had my fangirl moments. I will burn out later, right now I have to figure out if zombies need to eat brains to exist or if blood and flesh are enough. Or is magic enough? Don't know, can't wait to find out. ; )

Glittering Cloud...Not just a kick-ass song.

2009-06-14T17:49:00.000-07:00

My friends are moving and needed someone to watch their kids. So their three and seven year old girls came to play with my four year old and thus my plans for writing a killer query for an agent died. *Moment of silence*

It's all good though, these are good friends that we will soon see much less of and whom we will miss. I would never pass up the opportunity to help them during, what has turned out to be, a very stressful move. Plus, it was good for the kids to play somewhere that had toys available instead of stacks of boxes.

We painted, we glittered, they splashed in a little pool, crashed around like linebackers in my daughter's room and generally did little girlie girl things. It was great, but my entire house now sparkles in a coating of pink and silver glitter that shows no sign of leaving anytime soon.

Oh well, hopefully the agent that I choose for my, sure to be awesome, query will have a sense of humor. Maybe, they will be charmed by the iridescent sheen on the paper. After all, originality counts for something, right? I mean, what sets me apart from Stephen King? Glitter paper, that's what.

So yeah, today was great. Now I have a gimmick to go with my talent. A neon sign to point the way to the main attraction, if you will. If it works for the good people of Reno, Nevada- it can work for me!

Popcorn vs. Suckage

2009-06-13T12:46:00.000-07:00

I love a good popcorn movie. Pretty people do unrealistic things, gravity is laughed at, all laws of physics are suspended and, usually, big things go boom. There are many, many times when this is all that I want from a movie. Nice eye candy. Sometimes, I want to laugh, cringe, yell "whoa!" and clap my hands. Not very girlie of me, but I already went through a couple of touchy feelie 'important movies can teach us things' phases. I still watch a variety of movies, but my life is already full of drama- why rent it.

And so I would like to put before you a few movies that are excellent popcorn movies. Academy award winning? uh, no. But fun, fun, fun.

First, let's be clear- a good popcorn movie cannot be so bad that it is distracting. Casting, editing, directing and special effects need to all step up and do a decent job. This is why, for all of my deep love of Jonathan Stratham, his movie In the Name of the King was one of the worst pieces of crapola ever. The casting was awful, directing was worse, the editing took it to a whole new incomprehensible level of sewage and then the special effects guy (feeling the pressure.) put his own drooping turd blossom on the pile. The monsters, I have no idea what they were suppose to be, looked like Sleestaks in leather.

But I digress. Here, for your viewing pleasure, are a few looked over gems.

1. Push - People with psi gifts are experimented on. Those who escape must live in hiding from the government and fight for their lives. I have no idea what everyones issue was, this movie was awesome! Comic book all the way. I loved the story, the setting, the casting, everything. It was really good and no one saw it. That always saddens me. It means that there will be a Hannah Montana II, but no Push 2. Unless it's straight to DVD and has no original cast members and a quarter the budget. Unfair, I say.

2. Crank - FUN! Jonathan Stratham is Chev Chelios and has been given poison and has 24 hours to find a cure. Bonus, he's a hit man and his ditzy girlfriend has no idea. Some of my favorite scenes are of him trying to protect her while she blithely goes about her business. The movie is just enough tongue in cheek to accept and laugh at over the top elements - like sex on the sidewalk in Chinatown. (Funnier than it sounds.) However, it takes itself seriously enough to have good directing, editing and effects. Loved it, can't wait to see Crank 2.

3. The Fifth Element - In a dystopian future an ex-military cab driver (Bruce Willis) must help an alien who has come to save the world. My hubby actually bought this one, the eye candy is so good. Plus the there is some serious laughs to be had, especially when Gary Oldman is on screen. That man is a hoot! Plus it's the first Chris Tucker sighting and he will make you bust a gut.

Okay, so there they are. Three movies you probably have passed over in the Video Store but are totally worth a look. Leave your academy standards in the car, grab a beer, some popcorn and chips, and enjoy.

You're welcome.

Writing on the run

2009-06-12T05:58:00.000-07:00

As a mother of two kids, one of whom happens to be autistic and need a little extra attention, my writing time can be an elusive and wily thing. When my hubby is not on his own deadline, he can play defense for me and make sure that I remain undisturbed while I work. But in times like these, when his stuff is due today and he lost time watching kids while I worked last week, I am on my own. And school is out. And the weather is bad. yay...

But it's all good, I have learned lesson #43 in writing. Don't yell at the kids whenever they are near you and breaking your concentration. That will only make them upset and curious, they will never leave. It's like getting mad at a dog and thinking that waving a bacon sandwich in front of them will make them back off. Won't work. Instead, try ignoring them until you finish your sentence, barring your son grabbing your chin and moving it to face him because he honestly thinks that you have gone deaf and is concerned, and then calmly turn to face your interruption. Smile, or at least show teeth, express concern or admiration- which ever will satisfy the current need. As soon as they break eye contact, go back to writing. Repeat as necessary.

An even better trick (#39) is writing on the run. I have begun carrying my laptop in a backpack and taking that instead of my purse. This way, when we go to a library or playground, I can hang with the kids until they drift off and then get a little writing done. Special bonus: the constant creative stimulus of scenery changes, fresh air and people watching. Special bummer: the constant need for Advil because the backpack is heavy. Plus, if people reading over your shoulder is upsetting, like it is for me, then you can carry it all day and never use it. Either the kids are in need of lots of bonding that day or people are nosey as soon as you break out the computer. My laptop has been logging some serious miles, but I have only written while out with the kids a couple of times. I feel better having it just in case. You never know when the kids will forget that I am even there for an hour or two.

Well, I'm off to help my friend pack for moving and to possibly take her kids to the park. Oooo, better take the laptop.

Everything I know about writing I learned from pottery.

2009-06-09T11:48:00.000-07:00

Before I ever began my first real story with the intent of selling, I was a potter. Well, I was a Veterinary Technician and a potter. There is a studio in the garage and everything. I have a wheel, a kiln, a canvas covered table and shelves full of glaze materials, pieces in various steps of the process, an air compressor and all the rest of the little things that go with playing with mud for money. I'm not too bad at it, either. I've been payed for it, I've been in juried shows and I hope to get back to it one day. But it's really a hobby for me, not a drive.

Since childhood, I have always operated on the assumption that everyone walks around with running stories filling up all of the blank spaces on their mental wall. I see them everywhere. A good song is the best inspiration ever. Things that I see, and sometimes the stories in my head, may inspire a shape for pottery, but it's not a constant influx for me. My constant has always been words.

Now that I am writing, I have found that one of the most challenging things is focusing on one and making the others be idle. For years I haven't written any down, but now that I am they all want attention. But that has nothing to do with what pottery has taught me. Nope, pottery taught me what will probably be one of the most helpful things that I will ever learn for writing- never fall in love with your work, be willing to rework or even crush it.

In pottery, there are just a million and one things that can go wrong. Doing a bad job wedging leaves bubbles in the clay that interfere with throwing or make lovely explosions in the kiln, when trimming you can trim right through the bottom of your pot, glaze can go wrong in may ways, firing can go wrong, the clay itself might be wrong somehow. It was the bad clay that taught me this. My teacher, Michael, would throw some amazing, huge, beautiful piece to teach us technique and then punch it back down into a ball. We would all freak out and he would say, "Never fall in love. Make it better next time."

It was my first pottery class at the local college and I was extremely proud of my work. There were several bowls, a couple plates and maybe a cup that I had made. But the first piece that was fired exploded in an interesting spiral pattern that Michael had never seen before. It hurt some of the pieces next to mine and it was determined that the clay was just bad. Some sort of impurity or whatnot. So, right there in class where I had spent hours working hard to learn, I threw it all out. I didn't cry but it hurt. A lot. Everyone else was very upset on my behalf, I think that they came close to shedding tears on my behalf.

After I was done tossing them, Mike nodded to me and said that I was going to do well. I hadn't fallen in love, I was just determined to make the next pieces even better. That is something that I have carried with me in life and in writing. Don't fall in love with too much, things change too quickly. Don't get attached to your first draft or even the one that you turn in, someone will go after it with a red pen eventually. Those red marks can tear out your heart or teach you to do better. And if all else fails, throw the story out and start again with a fresh page and new story.

Sometimes, pottery pieces and stories just aren't worth fixing. The trick is to know the difference.

Coming down off the mountain with a crash and a whimper

2009-06-08T19:42:00.000-07:00

The conference was, if I look at it objectively, wonderful. I learned a lot. From the advice of a woman that I greatly admire to the very concrete knowledge of where I want to go. I will not accept less, even if the road is longer and harder than the alternative. But, daaaamn, you would think that I would have gained a little freaking bit of good karma by now. (Which seemed to be in effect at my pitch meeting, but today I have indulged in many self derogatory thoughts - chief among them being that my successful pitch was an awesome fluke.)

So, because today was a mucky mire of depression and utter conviction that I am not good enough and will never be good enough for where I want to be in five years- let's just talk about the crown jewel of what I want. Because I need to remember where I want to be and work for it.

Within five years I want to be signing books at ComicCon. There, simple as that. If I could be next to Marjorie M. Liu, who rocks, then all the better. Sprinkle on top for both of us- a Whedon sighting. Now, truth be told, Whedon will probably actually talk to Ms. Liu before I ever have a chance to take his picture from across a crowded room, but still.... I wanna see him too.

And that, my friends, is one of the coolest things to come out of this weekend for me. I do not write Paranormal Romance, I write Urban Fantasy. This was a complete and utter shock to me because the only Urban Fantasy that I had ever read was Hunter Kiss, a book completely different from mine. But, after having the difference explained to me, I see that I do write Urban Fiction. That feeds my personality, tastes and where I want to go more than Romance ever could. Plus, there is the added bonus of not having Romance in the name. Please, don't get me wrong, I loves me some romance- but for me the term is so girly. (Plus I'm not real comfortable writing sex scenes.) My friends, who are totally girly but know that I'm not, laugh when I mention writing romance. Not only does the term Urban Fantasy keep my artsy non-girly street cred, but it makes me more eligible for ComicCon.

So this is something that I need to keep in mind. As I hate what I write and feel unworthy, I need to use that energy to improve. Someday I will rock writing. But I will always need to keep rocking the parenting of two kids and being a wife first. Not everyone needs to balance those, but then again- not everyone has an awesome spouse who supports them in the fight for a Comicon table. But I do, I totally have one- and I love him So I need to keep all of this in mind and make it my battle cry. I will own my life and I will make it count, in marriage, parenting and writing.

Rock on, me!

Misty eyed homecoming.

2009-06-07T18:43:00.000-07:00

Many great things happened this last weekend. I drove home dancing to music while driving and grinning like a mad woman.

When we got home, we were greeted by two happy cats and one cheerful dog. Exhausted, I set down my backpack and walked to the living room- to find it covered in more explosive diarrhea than I have seen in one place since my teching days.

*sob* It's just so good to be home! *sob*

Please enjoy this Kodak moment of my dog, hubby and son in a non-intestinal meltdown moment.

Overload!

2009-06-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

Short post - I forgot my power cord for my laptop.

To sum up on two minutes: Awesomeness abounded. Marjorie M. Liu is even cooler than I had dreamed. There are niches in the romance market that I was unaware of - 'nuf said. I can survive on much less sleep than I would have thought. Conferences are rarely introvert friendly. I made soooo many newbie mistakes and hope that not too many people noticed. The trip was a success writing wise because two editors want a partial and synopsis. I need to pursue an agent. There is no bounds to my nervous energy in the face of my author heros. Last, but not least- always bring your power cord.

The picture is for Marjorie. You rock. Seriously. : )

Holy shidoodoo, I did it!

2009-06-04T20:37:00.000-07:00

The book is done. My first novel written in less than two weeks. Just under twenty eight thousand words. It's a wonderful feeling and yet I am so tired that I don't feel the rush that I had been expecting. I feel shocked. I feel a glimmer of pride. I feel trepidation that it will not be liked or sold. But mostly, I feel like going to bed.

I..will... do.. this!

2009-06-03T19:22:00.000-07:00

It's 10:22pm and I am settling in to finish my book. I believe there are only about two to three chapters left and I will not sleep until they are done! My fingers are clumsy and achey, my back hurts and all I want to do is not type for a looong time. But victory will be mine! Anyone who reads this may not fall in love with it, but they will see potential, dammit!

After a rousing finish tonight, I will get some sleep and edit tomorrow. Friday will be for a final read/edit and then print. We need to leave for Cinci by about one or two o'clock and I have a thing with my son's school in the morning. I need to finish tonight and so I shall!

Spoon!

Day three, or two - depending on how you look at it.

2009-06-02T15:52:00.000-07:00

I want to finish this by Thursday so that Friday I can print and pack. After all, it starts Friday evening. So in my head, I have two days left. Not much time, but I remain hopeful. Right now things are flowing well but my aching shoulders, elbows and wrists are tired of typing. I'm spending as much time backspacing to correct myself as I am writing. Not very efficient.

But my hubby is still acting as babysitting and cheerleader - bless his little pea pickin' heart. Tomorrow I'm going to lose several hours to a field trip with my son and I need all of the cheerleading that I can get. It it reeeeally tempting right now to say that I did my best, but I'm too new at this to produce something decent so fast. But I won't. I will instead take some more Advil and soldier on. Because this is me paying my dues. Hopefully, it will end with a decent reward - like an agent that I like.

Bland heros and epiphanies.

2009-06-01T07:04:00.000-07:00

Okay, yesterday was a total bust. I finished a chapter in the morning, but didn't get another thing written. Even when I went to two different places to try to kick my brain into gear! I think that I was too tired or something. Plus, almost three hours of my afternoon were taken up by taking my son to the Urgent Care. Luckily, nothing was broken - but what a time suck. Maybe if I had been able to nap in that time then I would have been able to write later.

Oh well, can't go back. I can, however, feel like a loser because I don't know what happens next in my book. At all. Stephan King, in his amazing book On Writing, said to get to know your characters and then give them a challenge - they'll tell you what happens. Usually that's how I operate, but this time I started with a scene in my head. A woman wakes up screaming from nightmares of blood and death, she has spent her entire life trying to keep them under control and in her adult years has turned to street drugs. Her dreams are actually a power that she is unaware of and she has never had anyone to guide her - she was abandoned at birth. I had a vague notion that bad people with bad ideas find out about her and come for her, man comes to help rescue, they are mates, yadda yadda yadda.

That was where it all began and now it has turned into a mess. I don't know or understand my hero character - he's an icon. I barely like him, he's a dominant male beefcake. The story is falling apart because I don't like him or want her to be with him. I want her to be with the drug dealer. He's flawed, weak and broken. But I think that under it all, when the big moment comes, that he will pull through.

Okay. Wow.

I sometimes find that I realize how I really feel about something when I'm explaining it to someone else. Right now, I think I just had one of those moments. How it escaped me I will never know. Rookie mistake. But I think that I have hours of rewrites ahead of me. And a much better book than I had feared.

Nice.

Day five, trying to stay alive.

2009-05-30T18:21:00.001-07:00

I must admit that today has been trying. My first mega bouts of frustration, writer's block and doubt. Massive amounts of doubt. There was a moment this afternoon when I honestly almost gave up the whole thing. I thought that no one would like it, publish it and I was done putting so much time into it. There I sat in Starbucks, all teary eyed and pouty lipped. I'm sure it was a very unattractive sight.

But two things got me going again. First was my husband. No, it wasn't a lovey dovey 'do it for hubby and the kids' moment. It's just that I have seen him work through weekends and parties and the entire night when necessary. He'll crack open a Red Bull at midnight, stretch his back and go back to painting fluffy bunnies. Whatever it takes to meet the deadline. That made me feel like a wuss. A petulant, soft little wuss. Which naturally made me more determined than ever - I hate being a wuss.

The second thing that got me going was the story. Damn thing was still rattling around in my brain even when I wanted it to stop. I always have stories in my head and it's been a challenge to focus on one and follow it to the conclusion. Confession time: I have never finished as a writer, I'm a story ending virgin. *blush* But after an entire morning of every other story clamoring for my attention, this afternoon it was the only show in town. And man, did it get good! I totally had to write it!

So anyway, here I am at 9:30, drinking coffee and planning to not stop until I have completed another three chapters. I have got to increase how much I get done in one day if I'm going to make it. Oh, and I'm going to make it. Just you watch.

Nothin' a little Whedon can't fix!

2009-05-29T18:18:00.000-07:00

My, oh my, today had been busy. Got a haircut, took my daughter out for a little fun, made progress in the story, went to a end of the year formal dinner for my son's third grade class. I'm a bit fried right now, but it's nothing a little Serenity watching on the couch with my yummy hubby won't cure.

The story is going well. The scene that I was writing this afternoon was so creepy that I had a heart attack when my daughter sneaked into my office. She just stood there quietly watching me. I catch something out the corner of my eye and jump out of my skin. Poor girl got a bit of a snappy warning from me. But come on - I'm writing about a creepy little demon minion that parades around in the guise of a cute little red headed three year old boy and then there's a cute little four year old (luckily not red headed) silently watching me? There is only so much that my poor little heart can take!

Alright, back to the couch and the delectable Mal. (Sorry hubby, you're totally delectable, too.) Tomorrow morning I'm getting up super early to write. Bonus: I am liking the male character more and more. Actually, all of my characters are turning out to be awesome. I hope that it's a good sign and not a red flag for the first part of my book being dry or overly simple. Oh well, that's what getting rejected by publishers is for. I'm sure they'll give me a hint about areas that I need to work on.

One more thing, I didn't get the appointment with the agent that I wanted, she's booked. Total bummer. Does anyone know if it's bad form to slip her my manuscript on a CD if I meet her?

Six days left! Cowabunga!

Seven days and counting...

2009-05-28T14:13:00.000-07:00

Here we go, boys and girls! Last night I learned that extreme adrenaline highs make for poor writing. I just couldn't settle down enough to write. Too much squealing, not enough story making.

Today has been better though. I find that one of my biggest problems is that I just don't like sitting and typing for very long. Isn't that helpful in trying to start a writing career? I find that about once an hour I want to not only get up and walk around, but change my scenery. I'm like a nomadic writer. I want to drive all over in the course of a writing day. Coffee shop, library, lunch out, different coffee shop. It can get expensive if I'm not careful. (Yes, hubby, I know you're reading and nodding.)

Well, today I have gotten two chapters done and mostly done with a third. Went to yoga class and aligned my chi or whatever, and got my highlights redone. I plan on writing late into the night and doing it again tomorrow. I feel hopeful that I'll finish in time for the Get Together.

Speaking of which, I had pretty much thought that making an appointment with an agent was the best choice because they can shop you to various publishers. The lovely Lynn Viehl backed me up (Thanks!) and I'm in the process of setting up my 12 minutes in the limelight. : )

That just blew my mind!

2009-05-27T16:21:00.000-07:00

Okay, so there I was taking a little break to read up on the two blogs that I follow, and what do I find? One of my favoritest authors of all time, whose career I desperately want mine to be like, is going to be in Ohio in a week in a half. Why? Because another author that I looove is holding a Reader and Author Get Together. It's like a romance writer star studded event! In my little world, this is like some preteen getting to go meet the cast of Twilight. I was so excited! But then - the deadline to register had passed about a week ago.

I may have used some power words while sulking and fighting tears. Then the hubby suggests I email Lori Foster, author hosting the event and romance writing goddess, and ask if she'd let me go anyway. So I did, not feeling hopeful. Thinking that it would be awhile for a response. About three minutes later I got a response and she graciously gave the okay. Then I cried just a little because THE Lori Foster had just emailed me! Shut up!

Jumping around at the idea of meeting Marjorie M Liu, Lori Foster and the rest, I provided much entertainment for my family. The kids thought it was great - Mommy's insane. Hurray!

After I settled down a bit, I read through the rest of the information for the event and found that I can make an appointment to meet with an editor or agent. Twelve minutes to network and pitch my book. No way! This sent me into another tizzy of jumping and screeching before I realized that they wanted a finished manuscript and I have not finished my book. Just the four chapters necessary to enter the writing contest. So. I need to finish a novel in eight days. Eight days to write about 70,000 more good words. *gulp*

Okay, I can do this. The story is there in my head but getting it out is still a skill that I'm working on. Maybe I can look at this like some sort of advanced or honors class where they expect a whole lot of good stuff in a short time. No problem, I usually thrive in those classes. I also usually get little sleep and forgo personal hygiene if necessary. Rising levels of crankiness is pretty much a given, but I do have a very understanding family.

So that will be the focus of my posts for the next eight days. Updates on my honors writing class and deteriorating levels of hygiene. God help us all.

A small success!

2009-05-27T11:15:00.000-07:00

The deadline is not yet here for the Cleveland Rocks Romance contest, but I have finished my main entry! Yay! I am ahead of the game....kindof. I would like to turn in more than one, but I am telling myself that this is enough and to not be upset if I do not finish any other entries in time.

But still, this is good. I'm hoping that as I progress and begin to be published I will keep a mindset of finishing ahead of deadline whenever possible. (Even though I know that it won't always be possible.) So I'm giving myself a pat on the back and considering this a success even if I don't win. I turned out the first four chapters of a story that I am proud of. Actually, that may even be a medium sized success. : )

My first deadline - how cute!

2009-05-24T09:32:00.000-07:00

The North East Ohio Chapter of the Romance Writers Association has a writing contest for local writers that have not been published in the last five years. It's called the Cleveland Rocks Romance Contest and the deadline for entry is June 1. I am planning on entering two stories, but hoping for three. So far the first two are paranormal romance and the third is contemporary. I really want to enter a contemporary story because the judge for that category is with Harlequin and I would like to work with them. But that story is my least developed and I'm trying to not be too upset if it doesn't happen.

Anyway, one of the biggest advantages of this contest, for me, is that it's been my first experience with working on deadline. So far, I have handled it the way I always feared that I would. When I first found out about it there was aaaallll this time before June and so I barely did anything. Flash forward to two weeks before it's due and I'm scrapping together all of the writing time that I can find and trying to not get too nervous. It's like college term papers all over again. Maybe I work a little better this way though. It helps me to focus. No time for all of the other little things that usually distract me - I'm on a deadline, people!

Freelancing whanabe

2009-05-22T14:12:00.000-07:00

I was just reading a post by Tobias Buckell, a fellow Ohioan, about his decision to work freelance and how the three years since have gone. You can see it here http://www.tobiasbuckell.com/2009/05/09/a-three-year-freelanceiversary/. He says some stuff that I believe is so important to anyone making the leap to freelance. First and foremost is that working for yourself is hard work. Long, hard work for a boss that is rarely satisfied.

As a freelancer you are always trying to improve your work, your business contacts and your salary. My wonderful husband has been a freelancer for seven years now and I have seen the ups and downs, the lack of sleep and free time when deadlines approach and the sweaty palms when there is little future work lined up. But I have also seen the joy of working hard to do a job that you love. Barry has said that he has no real hobbies because he is doing what he has grown up doing for fun - drawing.

Now I am trying to throw my hat into the ring with writing and my Etsy store. It's funny to me when I get frustrated over how much work it is. Granted, I have two kids, one that is not old enough for school yet and summer break is here in three weeks anyway. But there I am, glaring at the clock at 11pm wanting to sleep and get more work done at the same time. Then in the afternoon, wanting to rest during my daughter's nap time and write at the same time. There is never enough time and I am never satisfied with my work. I want to do better work, faster and get paid more for it. Hmm, sounds familiar. Guess I am a freelancer after all.

Learning the ropes

2009-05-19T11:06:00.001-07:00

I feel like I have been learning the ropes for several things all at the same time. Writing, sewing, running an Etsy store, how to function enough to work after the kids go to bed and still get up in the morning. It's all very overwhelming at times. But here are some of the things that I have learned or am working on learning.

1. Coffee is my bestest friend, followed closely by beer.

2. PBS time in the morning is educational and beneficial for a four year old. Sid the Science Kid taught my daughter about levers, pulleys and digestion, why should I be alarmed if she expects TV? The American Academy of Pediatrics my think me wrong, but I say that an hour or two every morning is a good thing.

3. Writing is very time consuming. There is a contest with American Romance Writers that I want to enter on June 1, getting my submission done in time is a bit of a crunch. But that leads to lesson 4....

4. Learn how to get into your writing groove when time allows rather than dropping everything to write just because the muse has struck. This is invaluable. It might not work every time but I am beginning to get a lot more work done than I used to.

5. Sewing and crafting, on the other hand, is best done when the inspiration is upon you - that's when the best stuff happens.

6. The kids don't care about your deadlines. Give them all of the undivided attention that you can when you spend time with them so that they will feel less upset and needy when you tell them to go play because it's work time for the next hour. Fulfill their needs and they are more willing to help you fulfill yours.

7. Spouses work the same way as kids. Just apply rule #6 all the way around.

I'll add more later as they come to me. For now, my work hour is up and the rest of the world calls...

It's gonna be the future soon...

2008-11-19T07:36:00.000-08:00

I dream about the future a lot. Not the distant future of flying cars and Giant Carrot Overlords, but things like my goals in life actually happening and how cool it will be. Maybe it's why I can't stay focused on one goal for too long. Give me enough time and I have already lived out the entirety of that particular journey in my head. I've already been a famous author, head vet tech at a college hospital, traveled quite a bit of the globe, been discovered as a late blooming artist/actress (what?)/model(say what?) and I've been so successful with my Etsy store that I have worked in the Etsy labs in New York and contributed numerous tutorials. Yes, my imaginary lives have been extremely successful.

In real life things are slightly less dramatic. I am happy and life is very full and I do think that I have done more than many my age. But there is not really an Oscar on my mantle and I am not a keynote speaker at conferences and I have not seen Italy. (Damn.) But it's a great life and I love it. Someday I will go to Italy and someday I will write a book. Maybe sell it. We'll have to see.

My big lesson that I have had to learn as I have gotten older and life has begun to pass by is to live outside of my head more than in it. I have seen the tragic results when people don't figure this out and I do not want to be that person. If you're wondering why no one understands how awesome you are it's probably because, in real life, you're not. Being a legend in your own mind is a lonely and bitter thing because you share it with no one.

So I want to be a legend in my family. The mom that is loved an admired by her kids as being loving, confident and willing to work hard at doing what she loves. Even if she loves more than one thing. Same with my husband, but according to him he already sees me that way. It makes me feel loved and confident and like I want to work hard to do what I love so that I am happy and can share the warm fuzzies.

See, it's all a cycle when you live outside of your head. You can't reciprocate love and happiness with yourself. But add in people and it all comes together. Until the Giant Carrots invade. Then it's every man for himself.

i like to sew. how odd...

2008-11-09T12:42:00.000-08:00

I have always had a bit of a creative streak. Things that have good color, balance and composition please me to no end. But I can't draw or paint and have never had the money to pursue photography. So I found my creative outlets in other, sometimes odd, things. As a vet tech, I got immense pleasure in putting an animal into a nicely made up cage. A smooth blanket with a neatly folded 'pillow' blanket and another one waiting nearby to cover them up. Also, I looooove a well bandaged animal. Smooth, regular, non-lumpy gauze, cast padding and vet wrap wrapped in neat, regular intervals gave me a downright naughty tingle. Well stocked and organized drawers made me smile, too. I liked them fully stocked for their visual appeal almost as much as functionality. There was a variety of color and texture that had the ability to make quite an impact on the eye, if done right.
Also, I have expressed myself in other, more conventional, ways. Gardening and cooking are pretty standard outlets for people. Then, I fell in love with pottery. Which is great, but a little like an abusive relationship. See, what most don't know is that throwing on the wheel is hard and your piece may suck. Then trimming the bottom when it is a little dry is hard and you may do it wrong or break your piece. Then you fire it and you might do it wrong and it may explode or you might do nothing wrong, but the kiln gods hate you and it explodes. Now the glaze, applied properly, it's great. Applied wrong it can melt to your kiln shelf or break your piece.
Do you see what I'm saying? I have found the learning process to be long and frustrating. Some of my pieces are great! A couple are even art. Some have sold and many have been given away. But pottery and I have an on-again, off-again relationship. I just can't take the pain for more than a year or so at a time. Currently, I am planning to pick things back up in January. I'll be sure to bring conciliatory flowers, chocolates and baggie of massage oil.
But currently, I sew. That probably takes my coolness factor down a bit, but I can't help it. It started with a book on weird plushies and went from there. I now have a nice machine and fabric all over my office, bits of thread everywhere and a burning need to sew anything that comes into my head. I am even planning on opening an Etsy store soon, because my friends and family will only want so many bags and my nephews won't understand why the plushies have one eye or butt flaps. So far my kids only like the plushies that they requested in detail. Any I have made for my own satisfaction is met with confusion and the question, "Who did you make this for?". Hoping, I think, that it isn't for them.
So maybe my mission in life will be to make sewing cool in the mainstream. I have, to my delight, found that it's already kind of cool in alternative culture. It's the best way to get clothes that reflect your personality. Deconstructing thrift store finds is super cool. I may try that eventually. But first I would have to measure myself and, while I am a confident woman, I don't think that I want to know the actual numbers.
And now, my friends, I leave you with this.

Stepping out

2008-11-06T08:33:00.000-08:00

Ok, kids. Today we are learning a thing or two about stepping out of your comfort zone. By starting this blog, I have just stepped out of mine. But I have to admit, it's pretty cool. See, my life is full and interesting. I have wanted to share it on a blog for a long time, but I have a problem. I'm a laid back perfectionist. Just like I'm a friendly introvert. I'm a walking paradox reguarding many things. An enigma wrapped in a mystery, if you will.
Anyhoo, it was my perfectionism that kept me from writing. I figured that if it wasn't the most witty, intelligent, entertaining and widely read blog on the internet then I shouldn't bother. Yes, I know, that's silly. But, I am silly and, probably, so are you about quite a few things.
So why is my life full and interesting? What can you expect me to write about? Well, I am a Registered Veterinary Technician. I can even put RVT next to my name if I want. But I don't currently work in the biz, because I gots the cancer and decided that being home with the family was more important. Also, the stress was going to make my head explode, so I got rid of one of the major sources. (Don't worry though, I am now cancer free - hurray for lifestyle change and radiation!) I am now a crafter, potter, writer and wife/mom. My husband is a freelance illustrator who works from home. He's the guy from monobot.com and barrygott.com. Luckily he's really good at what he does, which is why I'm able to be home.
My kids are 8 and 4. My son, the oldest, is fun and smart and awesome and autistic. Highly functioning, but in no way is he to be mistaken for an average kid. He has a lot of language and sensory issues. We are not the kind of parents to send him to so many therapists that he has no time for a life, but we also don't think that the world needs to change to fit his needs. We see him as our son Finn. He gets great help and therapy from our awesome school and we know how he needs things done to be OK with the world. We help him deal, but expect him to be a part of life. He has chores and is expected to be a good kid, son, brother, student and person. So far, he does a great job and we are very proud.
Our daughter is adopted and from Haiti. She is a dancing princess with ponies and cupcakes and sprinkles and glitter who can wrestle and get muddy with the best of them. She has been home for 2 years and her adjustment was smooth as can be. We love her to death. Being the only extrovert in a family of introverts is a good lesson for her that the entire world does not wait with baited breath to see her next move and helps keep us on our toes. Having our son was isolating and I didn't mind too much, but having Nandi made me socialize more with other moms. (Her playmates tended to have them.) She will go far in life. With her energy and tenacity, she will be whatever she pleases and she will do it well.
To round all of this out, we have a dog (yellow lab) and two cats. Our house is not often chaotic, but is rarely quiet or still. Someone or something is dancing or pouncing, running or jumping, singing or barking, cooking or coloring at all times. It is not for the feint of heart!
So that is a small snapshot of a little chunk of my world. My posts will come from the middle of this party, but will probably not often be the subject. I also love reading and movies and music and nature and all sorts of things. Best as I can figure, I'll write about whatever and, since this is a moment away from the fam, it will not often include them. But sometimes I will post on autism or something. I think that teaching about and familiarity with things like adoption and multiracial families and special needs are the key to friendly coexistence. The world is an ugly and beautiful place. Peace and understanding makes that ratio lean more toward beautiful.
I'll be back. You kids play nice!