A dry spell.

I'm still waiting to hear back from anyone about my book.  That's normal, I suppose, but the unrealistic dream of having a frantic editor call begging me to sign a contract has died.  At best, they see that I can tell a story and are deciding if it's worth the trouble to help me pump up my story and the word count.  More likely I'll soon get a nice letter saying that they wouldn't mind seeing my work again but that their minimum word count is greater than my tiny 28,000.  

I will not get sad over a rejection that hasn't happened yet!  It's tempting, as the days go by it is very tempting to give it up.  But this is what I want to do.  Lucky me, I have picked a job that's tough on the ol' self confidence.  Huzzah!

The problem is that the longer I wait - and it hasn't even been an unusually long time, I'm just impatient - the more trouble I have writing.  The overflowing well with stories vying for attention has dried up and I can't get a single word down.  This post has taken forever and I had to start over once!  See what I'm saying?

It's upsetting, but it's not like I have a lot of time to devote to it anyway.  Besides, now I have decided to take some classes on grant writing.  That way, I can write for money before I write for money.

I should just plain set the idea in my mind that I will do no creative writing until after August when the kids are in school.  That's a depressing idea to me though.  I really love writing.  I love being swept up in a story and typing so hard that my fingers ache because I'm trying to get so much down so fast.  I love having a world that I created that welcomes me back and shows me things.  I miss it.  I am not enjoying this dry spell but I will enjoy the ride even more when the rains fall again.  I will throw my head back, open my mouth and take it all in with a laugh.  

Welcome to The Waiting Game!

Thank you for joining us today ooooon.....The Waiting Game!  Here's your host - Conan O'Brien!  *Roar of crowd*  *Applause*  And tonight's guest until she hears back about her book.....Rose Gott!  Isn't she lovely?  And witty, too!  Aaaalso joining us tonight, simply so Rose can sit next to him and giggle.....Hugh Jackman!

Oh man, wouldn't waiting be so much cooler if it was anything at all like that?  Hanging with Andy Richter and Conan, cracking jokes about the band and showing 8 second clips from movies with no explanation.  Nice.  Hopefully one of the zoo people would show up with animals.  In my world, it would be one of those times when the animals run amuck and everyone is trying to not look alarmed.  Fun on a bun, my friends!

Life, however, is not quite that generous or fun on an average day.  Waiting is a relatively solitary endeavor and there is almost never a band.  I should know, I am one of the Queens of Waiting.  Three years ago I waiting 18 months for my daughter's adoption to clear the Haitian government.  There have, of course, been many other things that I have waited for- my cancer diagnosis and such.  But the adoption was a marathon wait that put me in the major leagues.  

What am I waiting for?  Word about my book.  I've sent it to two editors and one agent.  Now, I wait.  But one thing that I have learned about waiting is that it is rarely a static thing.  You keep going and doing while you wait.  This is why I am about to start on another story.  I know that my first will need more editing and added chapters, but right now it's a source of stress.  Pulling up the files on it is a sure way to stop all creative flow because it brings up screaming  questions.  Will they like it?  How long will I have to wait until I hear back?  Will it be published?  Will they see my potential as a storyteller or be stuck on the relatively small word count?  Then I move onto the really stupid questions.  Should I use a pen name?  How long until my first book signing?  When will I be at ComicCon?  Will I ever meet Joss Whedon and will he be a fan?  

See what I'm saying?

That's why I'm moving on today.  I don't even think that I'll start on the next book I have planned with the same characters.  Nope, I have a nice zombie romance to flesh out.  (Pun intended.)  It makes the idea of writing fun again, whereas the stress of trying to get a story noticed can suck it dry.  My plan is to write what makes me laugh and get excited, then let the fun be tempered by the business end of it.  Maybe that's naive, but I want writing to be my job, a career that I choose because I love it as much as I did teching.  I don't want to burn out until I have been to ComicCon, slapped palms with Nathan Fillion and had my fangirl moments.  I will burn out later, right now I have to figure out if zombies need to eat brains to exist or if blood and flesh are enough.  Or is magic enough?  Don't know, can't wait to find out.  ; )