The conference was, if I look at it objectively, wonderful. I learned a lot. From the advice of a woman that I greatly admire to the very concrete knowledge of where I want to go. I will not accept less, even if the road is longer and harder than the alternative. But, daaaamn, you would think that I would have gained a little freaking bit of good karma by now. (Which seemed to be in effect at my pitch meeting, but today I have indulged in many self derogatory thoughts - chief among them being that my successful pitch was an awesome fluke.)
So, because today was a mucky mire of depression and utter conviction that I am not good enough and will never be good enough for where I want to be in five years- let's just talk about the crown jewel of what I want. Because I need to remember where I want to be and work for it.
Within five years I want to be signing books at ComicCon. There, simple as that. If I could be next to Marjorie M. Liu, who rocks, then all the better. Sprinkle on top for both of us- a Whedon sighting. Now, truth be told, Whedon will probably actually talk to Ms. Liu before I ever have a chance to take his picture from across a crowded room, but still.... I wanna see him too.
And that, my friends, is one of the coolest things to come out of this weekend for me. I do not write Paranormal Romance, I write Urban Fantasy. This was a complete and utter shock to me because the only Urban Fantasy that I had ever read was Hunter Kiss, a book completely different from mine. But, after having the difference explained to me, I see that I do write Urban Fiction. That feeds my personality, tastes and where I want to go more than Romance ever could. Plus, there is the added bonus of not having Romance in the name. Please, don't get me wrong, I loves me some romance- but for me the term is so girly. (Plus I'm not real comfortable writing sex scenes.) My friends, who are totally girly but know that I'm not, laugh when I mention writing romance. Not only does the term Urban Fantasy keep my artsy non-girly street cred, but it makes me more eligible for ComicCon.
So this is something that I need to keep in mind. As I hate what I write and feel unworthy, I need to use that energy to improve. Someday I will rock writing. But I will always need to keep rocking the parenting of two kids and being a wife first. Not everyone needs to balance those, but then again- not everyone has an awesome spouse who supports them in the fight for a Comicon table. But I do, I totally have one- and I love him So I need to keep all of this in mind and make it my battle cry. I will own my life and I will make it count, in marriage, parenting and writing.
Rock on, me!
Welcome to the SUCK CYCLE of the prepublished! Sometimes the highs and lows of the journey make me feel like one of my kids extra super-duper bouncy balls. But the truth is you have much to celebrate my friend. You are ahead of 95% of the people out there! You finished a book, pitched, networked, had breakfast with the way cool Marjorie M. Liu, and did it all on your own grit and bravery. Think of it this way, you accomplished more in the past 3 weeks then many "aspiring" writers accomplish in a year. You’ll get there… your passion will drive you.
ReplyDeleteI will email you off line to compare notes. :)
ReplyDelete